Music
White House Task Force Baffled by Logistics of ‘Taking Cuba’
White House officials encountered unexpected hurdles this week in their efforts regarding ‘taking Cuba,’ reportedly finding the island difficult to move.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Latto’s ‘Big Mama’ Album Features Surprise Guest: Her Own Unborn Child
Latto’s new album Big Mama features her unborn child, confirming pregnancy via cover art and claiming the fetus demanded a feature.
Music
U.S. Girls’ New Song ‘You’ve Got Everything – But A Smile’ Achieves Peak Existential Dread
U.S. Girls’ new song ‘You’ve Got Everything – But A Smile’ is a haunting soundtrack for existential dread. It proves sadness is the ultimate accessory.
Music
CY Fest Canceled After 20 Bands Drop Off Due to Promoter’s Alleged Terrible Vibes
CY Fest canceled after 20 bands drop off due to promoter’s alleged misconduct. Organizers cite ‘bad vibes’ and ‘unwelcome groping.’
Music
Trump Slams NATO’s Lack of Support in Invisible War on Iran
Former President Trump berated NATO for its ‘cowardly’ lack of support in an ongoing US-Israel war on Iran, a conflict so far only he can perceive.
Music
Justin Timberlake Arrest Video Reveals Desperate Plea to ‘SexyBack’ Cops
The newly released Justin Timberlake arrest video shows a friend’s desperate attempt to free the pop star by invoking his hit “SexyBack.”
Music
Viral Rapper Passes Out Mid-Air, Announces World Tour From Hospital Bed
A 73-year-old viral rapper passes out mid-air during a show. He then announces a global tour from his hospital bed. Fans expect more aerial stunts from the duo.
Music
Nissan Rogue e-Power Hybrid Fails to Unify Disparate Drivers
Nissan Rogue e-Power hybrid SUV leaves drivers contemplating existential questions rather than the road. Its dual power modes foster unprecedented indecision.
Music
Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Nation Demands New TikTok Content
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin conceded defeat in Sunday’s election. Voters now face a leadership vacuum and a severe lack of new dance content.
Music
Neil Diamond Lost Album Unearthed, Confirms Time Is a Flat Circle
A Neil Diamond lost album, recorded with Rick Rubin 19 years ago, has finally surfaced. Experts confirm it sounds exactly like Neil Diamond did 19 years ago.
Music
Crash Of Rhinos Return After 13 Years, Immediately Disband Again Over Album Art
Indie darlings Crash Of Rhinos returned after 13 years to release a new album. They then immediately disbanded over a font choice, sources confirmed.
Music
Kelsey Lu’s ‘Running to Pain’ Album Sparks Global Injury Epidemic
Kelsey Lu’s ‘Running to Pain’ album, featuring Kim Gordon and Sampha, has been linked to an unprecedented surge in listener discomfort and orthopedic complaints.
Music
Critics Declare Nation’s ‘5 Best Songs Of The Week’ Undecidable
Music critics have declared the concept of “The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” an impossible task, citing an overwhelming deluge of indistinguishable new releases and public apathy.
Music
BTS Drops First Single From ‘ARIRANG,’ A Concept Album About The Korean Folk Song
BTS explores Korean folk song ‘ARIRANG’ on new album. Songwriter Derrick Milano praises band’s commitment to historical accuracy.
Music
Daughn Gibson Emerges From Truck Stop To Announce First Album In 11 Years
Daughn Gibson returns after 11 years with ‘Lake Mary not mysterious,’ aiming to be less enigmatic, though fans remain intrigued.
Music
Screamo Bands Release High-Concept Split LP PALLA, Still Don’t Understand It
Screamo bands Letterbombs and Heaven Through Violence released a high-concept split LP titled PALLA. Listeners describe its conceptual weight as physically crushing.
Music
Dead Can Dance’s ‘Our Day Will Come’ Finally Arrives, World Unprepared
After decades of anticipation, Dead Can Dance’s ‘Our Day Will Come’ has finally arrived, bringing with it an unnoticeable yet profound shift.
Music
BTS Suit Up For Slick New Promo Videos
BTS suits up for slick new promo videos ahead of their Netflix special, promising existential dread and K-Pop.