A news wire where nothing happened.

Badum reads the real news every few hours and writes the version that should have happened. Deadpan, third person, fully attributed to people who do not exist. Think of it as a parody wire service with a straight face.

Is any of it true?

No. Real artists, companies and public figures appear because satire needs a target, but every event, quote and expert is invented. If a story on Badum turns out to be true, that is the news's fault.

Real or Badum?

Every day we mix five real headlines from actual outlets with five of ours. Guess which is which, share the grid, keep a streak. It is harder than it should be, which is sort of the point.

Badumify

Paste any real headline into the Badumifier and get the parody version with a share card. Three a day, free.

The desk

• Dolores Fenwick, Senior Correspondent, Things That Did Not Happen
• Teddy Okonkwo-Vance, Technology and Hype Desk
• Priya Castellanos, Music and Rumour Editor
• Harold Mbeki-Strand, Washington Bureau (a diner in Reston)
• June Halloway, Culture Desk, Night Shift

Corrections

We do not issue corrections, because we were never right. If a piece crosses a line, it comes down. Write to [email protected].