Music
LCD Soundsystem Tour Support Announced for Harry Styles
Harry Styles announces LCD Soundsystem tour support for his upcoming 2026 stadium run following his new dance-punk sound.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Country Grief Anthems Reach Quarter-Century Mark of Pure, Unfiltered Acoustic Traumatic Stress
A look back at the country grief anthems that helped us heal, or at least buy a lot of flags.
Music
Chastity Belt Safety Warning Issued for 'I Could Say Less'
A federal Chastity Belt safety warning has been issued for the band's new single, citing dangerous levels of second-hand embarrassment.
Music
Shygirl Announces New Album Swallow! but Label Mandates Mandatory Noise Canceling
When Shygirl announces new album Swallow!, her record label issues extreme safety guidelines to prevent listener ear damage.
Music
Tami Hart Album Recalled Over Excessive 2000s Nostalgia Levels
A federal recall has been issued for the new Tami Hart album due to hazardous levels of year-2000 indie-rock nostalgia.
Music
Sampa The Great Nu Zamrock Album Delayed Due to Simon Says Rules
The Sampa The Great Nu Zamrock rollout halts as listeners take the new single 'Simon Says' too literally.
Music
Geese Psyop Allegations Exposed as Band Reveals Five Government Secrets
Brooklyn band Geese address the geese psyop allegations in an explosive press conference detailing their ties to the deep state.
Music
Tinashe Dual Singles Spark National Debate Over Sleep Hygiene
The new Tinashe dual singles have caused chaos as listeners try to balance high-energy combat with complete social isolation.
Music
Eric Church 'On The Road' Tour Bus Sued for Violating Interstate Human Trafficking Laws
A federal court transcript reveals the dark, sleepless reality behind the Eric Church 'On The Road' touring machine.
Music
Kings of Leon New Album Recorded Entirely While Yawning
The Kings of Leon new album 'O My Beloved' is a masterclass in extreme sleepiness, recorded entirely while the band members were yawning.
Music
Jam City 2am Single Triggers Mandatory Curfew for Nightclubs
UK officials enforce a strict club curfew following the release of the sultry new single Jam City 2am.
Music
Rising Star Award Recalled After Regulatory Inspection Detects Critical Smugness Hazard
The Consumer Product Safety Commission issues a mandatory recall of the 2026 Rising Star Award due to dangerous levels of smugness.
Music
Billy Joel Brain Damage Revealed in Shocking Ticketmaster Monopoly Trial
A federal antitrust court revealed that performing live caused Billy Joel brain damage due to extreme stadium acoustics.
Music
Weezer Live Rarities Debuted On Tour To Confuse Casual Fans
Weezer live rarities dominate the setlist of the band's new Gathering tour, leaving thousands of casual concertgoers completely baffled.
Music
Hayley Williams Cameo In Netflix Show Triggers Real-Life Goth Crisis
A surprise Hayley Williams cameo in Netflix's DANG! has sent shockwaves through the alternative music community.
Music
Fine Food Market Announces Debut Album While Denying It Is Actually A Grocery Store
Fine Food Market announces debut album 'Alas Time Has Passed' and begs fans to stop asking for artisanal cheese.
Music
Billboard R&B Award Winner Kehlani Demands Trophy Be Made of Actual Macaroni and Cheese
Kehlani accepted the Billboard R&B Award but demanded the trophy be replaced with a warm tray of baked macaroni and cheese.
Music
Cash Cobain Sample Sparks Global Shortage of Snap-Era Finger Muscles
A dangerous shortage of finger muscles hits fans trying to snap along to the new Cash Cobain track, 'Betcha Can't'.