World
Hawaii Tourism Board Admits They Invented Hurricane Lowell to Get a Break
A leaked Hawaii court transcript reveals tourism officials invented Hurricane Lowell just to get tourists to leave them alone for one weekend.
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World
Everything else that did not happen, reported with a straight face.
World
Juror Press Release Declares Verdict Was a Synergy-Rich Emotional Rollercoaster
A PR firm representing the jury says their mistrial created a synergy-rich emotional rollercoaster.
World
Norway Funeral Dignitaries Accidentally Pledge Fealty To Crown Prince Haakon’s Unhinged Golden Retriever
Dignitaries at the Norway funeral for King Harald V accidentally pledged military fealty to a golden retriever after a protocol mix-up.
World
Pope Leo Pilgrim Visit Prep Memo Leaked Online
A leaked Vatican memo reveals strict rules for the Pope Leo pilgrim visit. Staff must pretend they do not recognize him.
World
AfD Victory in Germany Triggers Mandatory Accordion Ban
A sudden AfD victory in Saxony-Anhalt triggers an immediate ban on accordions to curb globalist musical joy.
World
Strait of Hormuz Conflict Settled via Aggressive Laser Tag Tournament
The Strait of Hormuz dispute gets resolved through an intense, high-stakes laser tag match in a foggy neon arena.
World
How to Survive the Hawaiian Islands Life-Threatening Surf
Emergency officials offer highly practical tips as Hurricane Lowell threatens the Hawaiian islands with life-threatening surf.
World
Beijing Promised to Fight Back But Got Distracted by a Really Big Laser Pointer
When Beijing promised to fight back against foreign diplomats, they did not anticipate the strategic threat of a giant red laser pointer.
World
5 True-Size Maps That Will Completely Change Your Worldview
The UN voted for a new world map. Here are 5 ways the true size of continents will melt your brain.
World
Russian Drone Enters Air War to File Noise Complaint Against Ukraine Security HQ
A Russian drone has escalated the air war by filing a formal noise complaint against Ukraine's security service HQ.
World
5 Absurd Symbolic Cremation Alternatives for Your Lost Belongings
Locals turn to symbolic cremation for their waterlogged belongings after devastating monsoon floods.
World
Falklands Oil Dispute Explodes as Secret Drilling Map Revealed in Court
A leaked court transcript reveals the bizarre strategy behind the Falklands oil dispute, including penguin disguises and steakhouse placemats.
World
Israel Recalls Prisoner Exchange Program Due To Faulty Trade Value Ratios
Israel issues a product recall for its prisoner exchange program after regulators find severe trade value calculation errors.
World
5 Signs the USS Abraham Lincoln Needs a Paint Job
Is the USS Abraham Lincoln rusting away? Here are 5 signs the aircraft carrier desperately needs a fresh coat of paint.
World
Xi Visits Egypt To Personally Sand Down Every Single Pyramid
During his visit, Xi visits Egypt to sand down the Pyramids for a smoother, modern aesthetic.
World
Thai Resort Survival Guide For USS Abraham Lincoln Crew
Military brass issued a strict Thai resort survival guide to help the USS Abraham Lincoln crew transition from 270 days at sea to Pattaya nightlife.
World
Pentagon Explains Rules of Military Tag Following the Biggest Exchange Since July
The Pentagon clarifies the official rules of military tag after the biggest exchange since July between the US and Iran.
World
5 Iranian Naval Mine Prototypes the Pentagon Secretly Feared
Leaked documents reveal the bizarre Iranian naval mine designs keeping the Pentagon awake at night.