Technology
Microsoft Memo Explains Windows 11 Better Performance Toggle Is Not For You
A leaked memo reveals the new Windows 11 better performance toggle will not work on any current PC built before the distant future.
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Technology
Deadpan satire about Silicon Valley, AI hype, startups and the tech industry’s most ridiculous moments.
Technology
SpaceX Secures $40 Billion Debt Deal to Give Rocket AI Feelings
SpaceX secured a $40 billion debt deal to buy AI chips that will give its orbital rockets human emotions and existential dread.
Technology
Apple Anti-Theft System Accidentally Traps Store Manager Inside Sealed Box
A court transcript reveals how the new Apple anti-theft system accidentally sealed a store manager inside an unopened shipping box.
Technology
Politicians Launch Data Center Backlash Campaign To Win Suburban Voters
CloudLair Inc. addresses the growing data center backlash with useless buzzwords and plans for giant outdoor speakers.
Technology
Apple Store Pickup System Crashes After Millions Order New iPhone Duo
The Apple Store Pickup System crashed instantly today as millions tried to buy the expensive new iPhone Duo.
Technology
SpaceX Throttles Starlink Bandwidth to Ensure Outer Space Remains Completely Silent
SpaceX announced it reduced Starlink bandwidth across global zones to prevent noisy internet signals from ruining the natural silence of outer space.
Technology
Tech Giants Open Massive AI Graveyard To Bury Failed Chatbots
Tech leaders gathered in San Francisco to open a massive AI graveyard dedicated to housing thousands of failed software products and chatbots.
Technology
California Keeps Mark Zuckerberg After Offering Him Exclusive Ownership Of Sunset
California retains Mark Zuckerberg by granting him exclusive legal ownership over the Pacific ocean sunset.
Technology
Product Recall: Elvis AI Training Data Recalled Due to Unlawful IP Contamination
Regulators issued a formal recall of Elvis AI training data after algorithms began displaying unauthorized hip gyrations and copyright violations.
Technology
What To Expect From Apple's Pro And Tell Event
Here is what to expect from Apple's 'Pro and tell' event, including overpriced dongles and laptops that shame you.
Technology
Foldable iPhone Hearing Reveals Apple Designed Hinge To Snap On Purpose
Court testimony reveals Apple designed the new foldable iPhone to snap its own hinge and shatter its screen after 18 months of regular use.
Technology
5 Essential DIY Repair Steps For The Broken iPhone Duo
Apple released official manuals for the broken iPhone Duo. Here are five steps to fix your cracked dual-screen phone at home.
Technology
Recall Issued For iPhone Duo Screen Crack Snafu
A total recall notice warns consumers that the new iPhone Duo screen crack hazard renders foldable devices instantly broken upon opening.
Technology
Leaked Samsung Memo Confirms Galaxy S27 Will Launch Next Week To Outrun Linear Time
A leaked Samsung memo reveals the Galaxy S27 release date was moved up to next week in a desperate bid to outrun linear time itself.
Technology
7 Reasons Apple Fans Are Fainting Over The iPhone Duo Release
Discover why tech lovers are losing their minds over the new iPhone Duo release in our deadpan breakdown of the $2,000 foldable phone.
Technology
Mark Zuckerberg Requests Company Bake Sale to Pay Impending Billionaire Tax
Mark Zuckerberg asked Meta staff to host a campus bake sale to cover his upcoming billionaire tax bill.
Technology
Apple Unveils iPhone Duo In-Store Availability for Desperate Crowds
Apple announces iPhone Duo in-store availability guidelines, urging eager customers to camp out in the rain for a phone that folds.
Technology
7 Destructive Ways To Use WhatsApp Scheduled Messages
Meta unveiled WhatsApp scheduled messages, giving users the ultimate tool to wage psychological warfare on their closest friends.