TO: All Campaign Logistics Staff
FROM: Office of Event Scheduling
DATE: November 2, 2026
RE: Donald Trump rallies emergency protocol update
DES MOINES—Please be advised that the recent order regarding Donald Trump rallies in Iowa and Kansas was a administrative error. Yesterday, leadership instructed the team to cancel all weekend events. However, a follow-up text reading 'Do not not go' was wrongly processed. As a result, staff accidentally scheduled six additional Donald Trump rallies across two Midwestern states.
Immediate Logistics Action Items
We must now execute these rallies immediately. Sound crews should re-inflate the podiums right now. Local venues in Des Moines and Wichita have already been re-booked. 'We thought we were getting the weekend off,' said Marcus Vance, Chief Logistics Officer at Patriot Event Management. 'Then the fax machine started screaming. Now we need 40,000 red hats by 4:00 PM.'
Please do not inform the candidate about the scheduling error. He currently believes these events were his idea all along. Staff members must pretend the campaign planned this swing for months. Always maintain a excited tone near all microphones.
Crowd Control Measures
We are flying in emergency cheer teams to fill front rows. 'Our team excels at sudden crowd assembly,' said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok. 'We will deploy three thousand supporters before the teleprompter even boots up.'
Please direct all press inquiries to the main media office. If reporters ask about the quick schedule shift, attribute it entirely to strategic genius. Do not mention the text message typo to anyone from NBC News or other outlets.
We apologize for the lost weekend leave. Please collect your official campaign lanyard at the airport gate. At press time, staff accidentally booked a Sunday rally in the middle of Lake Erie.
