Business
Boeing Air Incursions Are Now Standard Safety Features
Boeing rebrands every terrifying air incursion as an exciting new safety feature designed to keep passengers awake.
Section
Business
Deadpan business satire about corporate culture, earnings calls and executives who definitely exist.
Business
Juror Holdout Tactics Leaked in Corporate Legal Memo
A leaked corporate memo reveals strategic guidelines for maintaining a juror holdout to maximize free hotel stays and continental breakfasts.
Business
Brent Crude Tops $100 Per Barrel as OPEC Announces Liquid Gold Status
Brent crude tops $100 per barrel as energy markets pivot to luxury branding and artisanal crystal decanters for gasoline.
Business
Stoke Space Raises another billion to prove rocket science is a financial scam
Stoke Space raises another billion in court-documented testimony revealing the rocket industry is just a very loud fundraising scheme.
Business
Fed Rate Hikes Admitted Under Oath In Secret Tribunal
A leaked court transcript reveals that upcoming Fed rate hikes are actually decided by a giant prize wheel in the basement.
Business
Chevron Memo: Gas Prices Must Rise to Match Employee Blood Pressure
A leaked corporate memo reveals a direct link between rising gas prices and the rising blood pressure of stressed energy executives.
Business
Defense Contractor Memo Orders More Precise Buzzwords to Secure Funding
A leaked defense contractor memo demands staff use precise buzzwords to make military hardware sound like boring corporate software updates.
Business
Nvidia's $279 Billion Bet Includes These 5 Absurd Investments
Nvidia's $279 Billion Bet targets green grass, lunar advertising, and subterranean magma servers.
Business
Diesel fuel milestone forces shipping company to use human hamsters
Leaked memo reveals a logistics firm is replacing trucks with human hamster wheels after a major diesel fuel milestone.
Business
Launch Startups Announce $10 Billion Series A to Think About Rockets
Two European launch startups secure $10 billion in funding to think about rockets without the burden of actually building them.
Business
Underground Survival Tunnels Recalled Due to Excessive Survival Rates
Regulators issue a product recall notice for underground survival tunnels after two workers survived nine days trapped in a collapsed shaft.
Business
Mortgage Rates Hit 300 Percent to Ensure Only Ghosts Can Afford Homes
Mortgage rates hit record highs as banking officials pivot to selling homes exclusively to ghosts and other non-living entities.
Business
Broadcom Stock Falls Because Investors Fear Any Tech Company Doing Well Is A Sign Of The End Times
Investors dumped Broadcom stock because solid financial earnings are clearly a trap set by a vengeful God.
Business
Google AdTech Ruling Sparks Joyful Corporate Panic At Magnite
Magnite celebrates the Google AdTech ruling with absolute, unbridled corporate joy and several incomprehensible charts.
Business
Major Indexes Rise After Traders Sacrifice Golden Calf to Nvidia
Major indexes rise after Wall Street traders admit to sacrificing livestock to stabilize Nvidia and Dell stock prices in a federal court hearing.
Business
New Economy Dashboard Unveiled by Federal Reserve for Immediate Panic
The Federal Reserve launches its new economy dashboard to track financial ruin through animated emojis and real-time vibe checks.
Business
MongoDB Recall Notice Issued Following Unexplained Stock Tumbles
A federal product recall notice has been issued for MongoDB following unexpected stock tumbles caused by highly profitable corporate earnings.
Business
Bond Sell-Off Questioned in Federal Court Hearing
A federal court transcript reveals the recent global bond sell-off was triggered by a scary bird in London and bad vibes.