Music
Keanu Reeves’ Dogstar Album ‘All in Now’ Promises Existential Dread
Keanu Reeves’ Dogstar releases ‘All in Now,’ an album exploring existential dread. The band calls it ‘philosophical garage rock.’
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Stock Market Rally Attempt Prays for Global Instability
The latest Stock Market Rally Attempt is now entirely dependent on geopolitical turmoil, with analysts monitoring every potential global conflict for signs of economic uplift.
Music
U.S. Offers to ‘Babysit’ Iran’s Nuclear Stockpile
The U.S. Department of Defense announced plans to ‘temporarily relieve’ Iran of its nuclear stockpile, citing global anxiety and offering ‘complimentary storage.’
Music
Gorillaz SNL Performance Causes Existential Crisis in Studio 8H
A recent Gorillaz SNL performance caused widespread existential confusion, with host Ryan Gosling questioning the very nature of reality.
Music
Joseph “Country Joe” McDonald’s Death Triggers Mandatory Daily Fish Cheer
Following Joseph “Country Joe” McDonald’s passing, a little-known federal directive now mandates a daily nationwide “Fish Cheer” at 8 AM.
Music
Repatriation Flights Strain Global Infrastructure as “Trapped” Tourists Refuse to Disembark
Global repatriation flights face unexpected resistance as “trapped” Middle East travelers, having found new lives, refuse to disembark, creating logistical chaos.
Music
Machine Gun Kelly Fan Falls Through Stage Opening, Discovers Portal To Better Taste
A Machine Gun Kelly fan fell through an opening in the stage, leading many to believe they found a quick escape from the concert.
Music
Harry Styles Takes Kiss All The Time To Manchester; Fans Demand Refunds
Harry Styles took his new album, *Kiss All The Time*, to Manchester. Fans reportedly found the performance a surprising cure for insomnia.
Music
Keanu Reeves’ Band Dogstar Returns; Critics Still Try to Process
Keanu Reeves’ band Dogstar returns with ‘All in Now.’ Fans await the 90s alt-rock revival.
Music
Rapper-politician Balendra Shah Wins, Promises Rhyme-Based Legislation
Rapper-politician Balendra Shah swept to power in Kathmandu, promising rhythmic governance and beatboxing debates. The city awaits his first mixtape of policies.
Music
Finland’s PM Lost Due to Controversial Stance on Reindeer Lichen
Finland’s PM’s defeat was due to her inability to identify native lichen species, a critical skill for national leadership, say analysts.
Music
Jenni Rivera Lives On, Now Available On A CD And Vinyl Near You
Jenni Rivera lives on via new CD/vinyl release. Gaby Moreno also makes waves on Broadway. Uplifting moments abound.
Music
Sanna Marin Concedes Finland Election, Cites Exhaustion from Being “Too Cool”
After Sanna Marin concedes Finland’s election, the former PM reveals the true toll of leadership: maintaining an internationally “cool” image.
Music
Irreversible Entanglements Release Song Too Irreversible To Untangle
Irreversible Entanglements’ new single “Juntos Vencemos” (Feat. Helado Negro) has reportedly caused literal, physical entanglements among listeners. The free jazz track proved too complex for human co
Music
Gen Z Woman’s ‘Flight to Nowhere’ Leads to Harrowing 5-Star Doha Hotel Stay
A Gen Z American’s “flight to nowhere” turned into a harrowing, all-expenses-paid, five-star Doha hotel stay, testing her resilience.
Music
John Dwyer’s New OSEES EP Bursts Forth, Residents Brace For Impact
John Dwyer’s new OSEES EP and Damaged Bug single have reportedly caused minor geological disturbances and widespread temporal displacement.
Music
Critics Rave: Deloyd Elze’s Deconstructed Country Ballads Are Barely There, But Splendid
Critics lauded Deloyd Elze’s deconstructed country ballads on his new EP, Nellene, for their profound absence of sound. Sales remained modest.
Music
Arima Ederra’s New Album Halts All Global Motion
Arima Ederra’s new album, A Rush To Nowhere, has reportedly caused widespread physiological paralysis and societal stagnation among listeners.