Dow Futures Drop as Market Panics Over Existential Dread of Squirrel
Dow futures drop sharply as a local squirrel's erratic nut-burying behavior sends markets into a tailspin,…
Maya Hawke Announces New Album, Plans To Sing Songs Live
Maya Hawke announced her fourth LP, "Devil You Know," and a spring tour. Fans are excited for new music and live…
DNC Narrows 2028 Convention Cities To Locations With Best Artisanal Kombucha
The DNC announced its 2028 DNC Convention cities. They were chosen for vibrant artisanal kombucha scenes,…
“Spooky Action” Single Animates Appliances, Demands Existential Debate
The New Pornographers' new single, "Spooky Action," has accidentally granted sentience to household appliances.…
Bory’s “Exactly What I Needed” Offers Soothing Balm To Existential Dread
Bory's new song "Exactly What I Needed" offers a quiet acoustic escape from daily anxieties. Listeners find…
Oasis Release ‘Acquiesce’ Live Recording From Wembley Stadium
Oasis releases live 'Acquiesce' recording for War Child UK. Band insists it's not new material, just 'fine'.
Female Rock Star Biopics Sweep Hollywood, Finally Offer Women Their Own Suffering
Hollywood finally embraces female rock star biopics, giving legendary women their own stories of suffering and fame.
TAIT Acquires Silent House, Dominates Stadium-Sized Air Guitar
TAIT acquires Silent House, setting the stage for stadium-sized air guitar dominance. The merger promises…
Ella Langley Joins Elite Club of Songs Topping Hot 100 & Hot Country
Ella Langley's "Choosin' Texas" achieves rare double Hot 100 & Hot Country chart success, baffling industry insiders.
Lily Allen Performs New Album At First Concert In Seven Years, Audience Unaware
Lily Allen performed her new album at her first concert in seven years to a bewildered audience of one roadie…