Music
Quiet Light’s ‘Postinternetfame’ Prompts Global Digital Paralysis
Quiet Light’s new singles, “Postinternetfame” and “Self Tape,” have plunged listeners into an unprecedented state of digital self-awareness, halting online activity worldwide.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Gelli Haha’s Cloud Commute Raises Existential Questions for DMV Officials
Pop sensation Gelli Haha’s new video shows her driving a cloud, baffling regulatory bodies. Fans demand atmospheric vehicles, while officials try to license the weather.
Music
U.S. Immigration Slowdown Leaves Nation Overwhelmed By Space
A critical Immigration Slowdown has left the U.S. with an unprecedented surplus of personal space. Citizens now struggle with alarming elbow room and quiet.
Music
James K friend remix album drops, features new tracks from friends
James K’s new friend remix album is out, featuring collaborations with Objekt, Jasss, and more.
Music
Korn’s ‘Freak on a Leash’ Is TikTok’s Newest Viral Dance Craze
Korn’s ‘Freak on a Leash’ is a TikTok viral dance craze thanks to Zara Larsson. Gen Z embraces nu-metal.
Music
Sepultura Invited Cavalera Brothers To Final Show; They Declined
Sepultura invited the Cavalera brothers to their final show, but they declined due to ‘scheduling conflicts’ with parallel universes.
Music
Snail Mail Unveils “Tractor Beam” Song, Uses Actual Tractor Beam on Fallon
Snail Mail’s performance of new song “Tractor Beam” on Fallon involved literal tractor beam effects, levitating objects and possibly the artist.
Music
Earl Sweatshirt, MIKE, & SURF GANG Drop “Leadbelly” Amidst Existential Dread
Earl Sweatshirt, MIKE, & SURF GANG’s new single “Leadbelly” drops, continuing their tradition of bleak, introspective hip-hop.
Music
Gelli Haha’s “Klouds Will Carry Me To Sleep” Blamed For Increased Cloud Subscriptions
Gelli Haha’s new song “Klouds Will Carry Me To Sleep” causes massive cloud storage subscriptions. Fans seek digital slumber.
Music
FKA twigs Sues Shia LaBeouf Over NDA; Mime Contract Violations Feared
FKA twigs Sues Shia LaBeouf Over NDA after actor’s team claimed ‘not feeling safe’ was a breach. Legal experts now grapple with defining silence as an actionable offense.
Music
Squirrel Flower’s “Wheels” Unearths Childhood Trauma
Squirrel Flower’s new single “Wheels” explores childhood trauma, inspired by Pop-Tarts and bad B-minuses.
Music
MLB Stadiums Declare Bankruptcy After Paul McCartney’s Historic Bongos Performance
MLB stadiums are going broke after concerts by artists like Paul McCartney grossed more than the venues themselves are worth.
Music
Aja Monet Preps New Album, Finds Meaning In Tiny Dust Bunnies
Aja Monet’s new album ‘The Color of Rain’ finds inspiration in dust bunnies and lint. The project features Mick Jenkins and Vic Mensa.
Music
Hammock’s New Single Could Be Last Flaming Lips Collab
Hammock’s new single, featuring Wayne Coyne & Steven Drozd, might be their last. Accidental collaboration leaves fans baffled.
Music
Johanna Samuels – White Limousine Sparks Global Chauffeur Crisis
A new Johanna Samuels – White Limousine song sparks unprecedented global demand for luxury vehicles, causing economic chaos and social unrest.
Music
MAGA Pussycat Doll Claims Exclusion, Cites ‘Patriotic’ Choreography
A former Pussycat Doll claims she was excluded from the reunion tour because she’s MAGA, citing ‘patriotic’ dance moves.
Music
Marin Concedes Election, Plans ‘Aggressive Decompressing’ Schedule
Finnish PM Sanna Marin conceded election defeat Sunday, citing an overwhelming desire to finally decompress. Her new schedule involves aggressive unwinding.
Music
2026 Summer Slaughter Tour Blamed for National Whiplash Epidemic
The highly anticipated 2026 Summer Slaughter Tour, featuring bands like Hatebreed, is now being linked to a nationwide surge in neck injuries. Medical professionals are bracing for impact.