Music
‘Michael’ Nears ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ Record Amidst ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’’s Ongoing Success
‘Michael’ biopic eyes record previously held by ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ which is inexplicably still selling tickets worldwide.
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Music
Ezra Collective Shares New Song; Hopes To Be Heard
Ezra Collective released a new song and album, ‘Here Because Of Hope.’ They are touring to find joy and answers.
Music
Trump Demands Festival ‘Cancel It’ After Artists Flee
Suggests MAGA rally, promises better vibes and fewer non-patriotic songs.
Music
M.I.A. Sues Kid Cudi for Kick-Off, Cites Emotional Tour Departure
M.I.A. is suing Kid Cudi for $2.8 million after being kicked off his tour. She claims the dismissal caused ‘irreparable damage’ to her ego and career.
World
US Drug Boat Strike Deemed ‘Most Efficient’ Anti-Drug Measure Yet
A recent US drug boat strike has been lauded as a success by officials. The new strategy aims for maximum disruption, raising questions about oceanic integrity.
Music
Boards of Canada Backrooms Song Traps Viewers in Existential Loop
A Boards of Canada Backrooms song from their new album ‘Inferno’ reportedly caused viewers to become trapped in theaters, questioning reality.
Music
Pearly Drops Voices Back – Spectral Demands Expand with New Album
Pearly Drops Announce Expanded The Voices Are Coming Back, literally summoning ancient, demanding spirits to collaborate on the album and annoy listeners.
Music
She & Him Bring TikTok Hit To Kimmel, Blame Algorithm For Unwanted Resurgence
She & Him Bring TikTok Hit to Kimmel, visibly confused. The indie duo reportedly baffled by their unexpected viral resurgence, blaming an inscrutable algorithm.
Music
Judge Restores Kennedy Center’s Name, Blocks Renovation-Themed ‘Nap’
A federal judge reversed Trump’s renaming of the Kennedy Center and blocked its two-year closure. The unexpected Kennedy Center ruling saves mime festivals.
Music
Friday Night Lights Band Crucifictorious Reunites, Declares Daniel Johnston Their ‘Unsung Mentor’
The Friday Night Lights Band Crucifictorious reunited to cover Daniel Johnston, stirring fervent debate over their interpretation and the very fabric of fictional rock.
Music
Fiona Apple Co-Wrote A Song On Cara Delevingne’s Debut Album, World Not Ready
Fiona Apple Co-Wrote A Song On Cara Delevingne’s Debut Album, confirming fears. The collaboration promises haunting melodies and existential meows, leaving the world bracing itself.
Music
Trump Slams “Third Rate” Freedom 250 Dropouts, Eyes “Patriot Rally” for True Believers
Donald Trump criticized “third-rate” Freedom 250 dropouts, proposing a D.C. rally for loyalists instead of a concert by “unreliable” artists.
Music
Taylor Swift Concert Terror Plot Derailed By Eras Tour Ticket Scarcity
A man convicted in a Taylor Swift concert terror plot was foiled not by security, but by the impenetrable Eras Tour ticketing system. His scheme never got off the ground.
Music
Apple Unveils Per-Pixel Pricing on iPhone Camera Roadmap
Apple announced a radical new iPhone camera roadmap, introducing per-pixel pricing for all photos and videos. This costly upgrade aims to ‘democratize’ photography.
Music
Netherlands Braces as Kanye West Cleared to Perform on His Birthday
Kanye West was cleared to perform in the Netherlands on his birthday due to a legal loophole. Officials couldn’t find a law to stop him, much to the nation’s bewilderment.
Politics
Hilton Surges in CA Governor’s Race, Promises “Like, Totally Hot” Policies
Paris Hilton’s surprising surge in the CA governor’s race has left political analysts baffled. Voters are reportedly eager for policies that are “totally hot.”
World
NASA’s Moon Program Now Solely Reliant On SpaceX After Blue Origin Explodes
After Blue Origin rocket explosion, NASA’s moon program depends solely on SpaceX. Billionaire’s rocket failure leaves lunar dreams in Elon’s hands.
Music
Vanilla Ice Defends Performing at Trump Concert, Says He ‘Doesn’t Even Vote’
Vanilla Ice defended performing at a Trump concert, saying ‘I don’t even vote’ and would play for any leader.