Music
girl_irl & Danny Brown – “Magic” Track Accidentally Solves World Hunger
The new track “girl_irl & Danny Brown – ‘Magic'” has unexpectedly eradicated global food scarcity, leaving humanitarian organizations scrambling for a new mission.
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Music
The Saddest Landscape’s New Song ‘Invisible Hurt’ Exists
The Saddest Landscape’s new song ‘The Invisible Hurt’ is out now. It continues their tradition of exploring profound sadness and existential dread.
Music
Namasenda’s ‘Bad Love’ Is Techno Jam About Toxic Relationship Therapy
Namasenda’s ‘Bad Love’ is a techno jam about toxic relationships. It’s a therapeutic dance party for the emotionally tangled.
Music
Nate Smith Gets Real Over Shots, Claims Burritos Fueled ‘World on Fire’
Nate Smith revealed his hit song ‘World on Fire’ was inspired by burritos. He discusses his culinary breakthrough during a drunken interview.
Music
Cultists Unearth Secret Scroll to See iHeartRadio Awards Online
Desperate fans seeking to stream the iHeartRadio Awards Online have unearthed an ancient Sumerian tablet detailing a complex ritual to access future broadcasts.
Music
J. Cole, Cam’ron Podcast Interview Ends Legal Feud, Reveals Laundry Tips
The protracted legal battle between J. Cole and Cam’ron ended with a 17-hour J. Cole Cam’ron Podcast interview, revealing laundry tips and vending machine disputes.
Music
Trump Unveils Revolutionary Iran Peace Proposal: A Single Sticky Note
The Trump administration’s 15-point Iran peace proposal was reportedly just a crumpled sticky note with “Chill” and stick figures. Iran rejected it, Pakistan offered mediation.
Politics
Rep. Cherfilus-McCormick’s FEMA Funds Ethics Trial Uncovers Lavish Squirrel Sanctuary
Rep. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick’s FEMA funds ethics trial has begun, revealing alleged misuse for a lavish, taxpayer-funded squirrel sanctuary.
Politics
Senate Staring Contest Enters Fourth Week, Eyelids Fused Shut
The unprecedented Senate staring contest over DHS funding has entered its fourth week. Senators now require IV drips and face permanent ocular adhesion.
Music
Invisible Iran Talks Descend into Interpretive Pigeon Diplomacy
Invisible Iran Talks continue via mime, carrier pigeon, and a bewildered dolphin. Both nations vehemently deny any actual dialogue is occurring.
Music
Quiet Light’s ‘Postinternetfame’ Prompts Global Digital Paralysis
Quiet Light’s new singles, “Postinternetfame” and “Self Tape,” have plunged listeners into an unprecedented state of digital self-awareness, halting online activity worldwide.
Music
Gelli Haha’s Cloud Commute Raises Existential Questions for DMV Officials
Pop sensation Gelli Haha’s new video shows her driving a cloud, baffling regulatory bodies. Fans demand atmospheric vehicles, while officials try to license the weather.
Music
U.S. Immigration Slowdown Leaves Nation Overwhelmed By Space
A critical Immigration Slowdown has left the U.S. with an unprecedented surplus of personal space. Citizens now struggle with alarming elbow room and quiet.
Music
James K friend remix album drops, features new tracks from friends
James K’s new friend remix album is out, featuring collaborations with Objekt, Jasss, and more.
Music
Korn’s ‘Freak on a Leash’ Is TikTok’s Newest Viral Dance Craze
Korn’s ‘Freak on a Leash’ is a TikTok viral dance craze thanks to Zara Larsson. Gen Z embraces nu-metal.
Music
Sepultura Invited Cavalera Brothers To Final Show; They Declined
Sepultura invited the Cavalera brothers to their final show, but they declined due to ‘scheduling conflicts’ with parallel universes.
Music
Snail Mail Unveils “Tractor Beam” Song, Uses Actual Tractor Beam on Fallon
Snail Mail’s performance of new song “Tractor Beam” on Fallon involved literal tractor beam effects, levitating objects and possibly the artist.
Music
Earl Sweatshirt, MIKE, & SURF GANG Drop “Leadbelly” Amidst Existential Dread
Earl Sweatshirt, MIKE, & SURF GANG’s new single “Leadbelly” drops, continuing their tradition of bleak, introspective hip-hop.