White House Announces New Strategy for ‘Iran Beyond Control’: Pretending It’s Fine
Amid fears of Iran slipping beyond control, the White House unveils a new strategy: complete and utter denial,…
Trump’s ‘Coalition of the Willing’ to Reopen Strait of Hormuz Consists Solely of Self
President Trump struggled to build a Strait of Hormuz coalition, reportedly seeking advice from trophies and his…
Trump Escapes ‘Escalation Trap’ by Inventing a Bigger, Shinier One
President Trump freed himself from 'Trump's escalation trap' by creating a larger, more complex international…
Kim Jong Un’s Nuke Test Unveils Surprising Culinary Potential
Kim Jong Un oversaw a tactical-nuke launchers test, revealing new gastronomic applications. State media lauded…
Iraq Book Private Jet To Mexico For World Cup Play-Off Amidst Regional Conflict
Iraq's national football team will fly private to Mexico for their World Cup play-off, prioritizing comfort over…
Nation’s Strategic Reserve Now Just ‘Really Big Bathtub’ After Oil Tanker Attacks
After recent oil tanker attacks, the Strategic Reserve has been repurposed. It now functions as a national…
Iranian Women’s Soccer Team Seeks Asylum, Cites Lack of Proper Goal Nets
Iranian women's soccer players seek asylum in Australia, citing flimsy goal nets and poor catering. The team's…
U.S. Dismayed by Israel’s Iran Fuel Strikes, Cites ‘Logistical Nightmare’
The U.S. is dismayed by Israel's Iran fuel strikes, sources say. Officials cite significant paperwork and the…
Americas Shield Summit Unveils Literal, Unwieldy Cardboard Barrier
At the Shield of the Americas Summit, leaders unveiled a colossal cardboard barrier, hailed as impenetrable…
Iran’s Apology Redefined: ‘Sorry, Unless You Start It,’ Says President
Iran's president offered a conditional apology to neighbors, vowing to halt strikes unless provoked. The new…