TSA Workers Discover Hidden Talents Amid Paycheck Loss
Unpaid TSA workers have embraced new, self-directed roles after losing their first paycheck. They found…
Vans Warped Tour 2026 Lineup Reunites Skaters With Their Feelings
Vans Warped Tour 2026 Washington D.C. lineup brings back emo bands for aging millennials. Expect existential…
Angel Du$t Named World’s Best Rock Band After Strategic Non-Singing
Angel Du$t declared world's best rock band after frontman's decade-long strategic non-singing. Critics laud the…
Rubio Iran Briefing Confirms Nation of Iran Remains, Is Still There
During a classified Rubio Iran briefing, Senator Marco Rubio presented irrefutable evidence that Iran, a…
Pentagon General Unveils Acute Iran Attack Risks: ‘Papercuts are Imminent’
Pentagon's top general foresees acute Iran attack risks, including administrative oversights, papercuts, and…
Topshelf Records Can No Longer Support Ekko Astral’s Existential Dread
Topshelf Records can no longer support Ekko Astral, citing drama. The band will self-release 'the beltway is burning.'