Dinosaur Jr. Unleashes New Album, Fulfills Ancient Rock Prophecy
Dinosaur Jr. dropped their first LP in five years, fulfilling an ancient prophecy. The new album is loud. Very loud.
Queen Of Jeans’ “Still Learning” Track Fails to Educate Any Listeners
Queen Of Jeans' new single "Still Learning" offers listeners precisely zero new insights, with experts…
Dinosaur Jr. Album “There Near” Confirms Millions Lost Something Undefined
Dinosaur Jr.'s new album "There Near" and single "Several Got Away" addresses the pervasive, unidentifiable…
YHWH Nailgun Magazine Declared Visual Album After 11-Minute Runtime
YHWH Nailgun's magazine is technically a visual album now after releasing an 11-minute LP as a single static…
Alphabet’s New Single ‘Sense’ Reportedly Induces Profound Apathy
London band Alphabet's new single "Sense" has reportedly left listeners with a complete lack of feeling. Experts…
Dylan Tour Guitarists Mysteriously Removed by Road Crew Following ‘Chord Incident’
Bob Dylan's tour guitarists vanished this week, leaving only a pile of neatly organized picks and questions.…
Rosalía’s Tour Essay Deemed ‘Brown Sound Bible’ by Ween Fandom
The treatise on performance art was reportedly printed on repurposed toilet paper.
Chief Justice Roberts Overturns Humphrey’s Executor, Finally Gets Parking Spot
Chief Justice John Roberts saw his decades-long dream realized, effectively overturning Humphrey’s Executor. His…
Trump’s Supreme Court Loss Sends Nation Scrambling For New Scapegoat
The Supreme Court delivered a stunning 3-1 defeat to former President Donald Trump, leaving the nation's…
New Order Tour Shake-Up: Key Members Opt for Quiet Life, Citing ‘Excessive Stage Presence’
Stephen Morris and Gillian Gilbert will not be touring with New Order “for the foreseeable future,” citing…