TO: All Creative Arts Division Staff
FROM: Cynthia Vance, Executive Director of Synergy Logistics
RE: Bad Bunny Emmy Win implications and immediate pivot
Team, we must address the fallout from last night. The historic Bad Bunny Emmy win at the Creative Arts Emmys has disrupted our entire Q4 roadmap. His Super Bowl Halftime Show swept all seven categories. This creates an immediate crisis for our content delivery quotas. We did not budget for this level of prestige.
The EGOT Emergency
Our contracts dictate that we must space out these accolades. We cannot have Benito peaking before the fiscal year ends. This sudden Bad Bunny Emmy win means we are now dangerously close to an accidental EGOT. "We did not prepare for this," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "A Latin trap artist with an Emmy forces us to update our spreadsheets. My staff is working overtime to locate a Broadway play for him to join by tomorrow morning."
Effective immediately, please cease all promotion of his current streaming catalog on Apple Music. We must suppress his search results. Redirect all traffic to podcast episodes about artisanal soap making. We must lower his cultural profile before the Grammys nomination committee convenes next week.
Required Employee Actions
Please review the following action items by 5:00 PM today:
- Downvote all social media posts mentioning the Bad Bunny Emmy win.
- Hide his wardrobe in the Staples Center basement.
- Tell his publicist that the Emmy statuettes are actually made of lead.
Our bonus structure depends entirely on keeping Benito at a manageable level of fame. If he wins an Oscar next month, our department budget reverts to the 2018 baseline. I will not lose my parking spot because a pop star is too successful.
Sincerely,
Cynthia Vance
Director of Keeping Artists Slightly Unsatisfied
