Music
Critics Rave: Deloyd Elze’s Deconstructed Country Ballads Are Barely There, But Splendid
Critics lauded Deloyd Elze’s deconstructed country ballads on his new EP, Nellene, for their profound absence of sound. Sales remained modest.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Arima Ederra’s New Album Halts All Global Motion
Arima Ederra’s new album, A Rush To Nowhere, has reportedly caused widespread physiological paralysis and societal stagnation among listeners.
Music
Angélique Kidjo’s New Album Promises Guests So Diverse, It Includes Your Dentist
Angélique Kidjo’s new album, “Hope!!”, features an unprecedented number of guest artists, prompting speculation it might also feature your mailman.
Music
German Precision to Realign Daily Telegraph’s Newsprint Fibers
The Axel Springer Telegraph Deal concludes, promising a new era of Germanic efficiency for the British broadsheet, focusing on paper alignment.
Music
Iran’s Apology Redefined: ‘Sorry, Unless You Start It,’ Says President
Iran’s president offered a conditional apology to neighbors, vowing to halt strikes unless provoked. The new policy redefines peace.
Music
Committee Declares Silence, Humming, and Traffic Noise Among Top Songs of the Week
This week’s Top Songs of the Week shocked critics and public alike, featuring groundbreaking selections such as silence, a buzzing refrigerator, and a distant car alarm.
Music
Critics Demand Public Devour All 8 New Albums Instantly
Music critics demanded the public listen to all 8 New Albums You Should Listen to Now simultaneously. They warned of cultural collapse if anyone missed a beat.
Music
Dogstar Reunites, Announces New Album “All In Now” To Universal Indifference
Dogstar announces their reunion and new album “All In Now.” Keanu Reeves’ band returns to music, proving some things are better left in the past.
Music
Katie Alice Greer’s ‘Perfect Woman Sound Machine’ Unveils ‘Unglued’ Sound
Katie Alice Greer releases new single ‘Unglued’ from Perfect Woman Sound Machine, Vol. 1. The song critiques Western hegemony and consumerism.
Music
Girl Scout Album “Crumbs” Promises To Leave Industry Posers Starving
Swedish band Girl Scout drops “Crumbs,” a power-pop anthem against industry posers and users. The song warns they’ll be left with nothing.
Music
Mavis Staples, Hozier, Elvis Costello, Warren Haynes Sing ‘The Weight’ With Purpose
Mavis Staples, Hozier, Elvis Costello, and Warren Haynes performed ‘The Weight’ without ego at a charity event. The singers respected the song.
Music
SZA Warns Fans ‘Anything Is Possible’ After Chart Battle With Taylor Swift
SZA recalls being told she wouldn’t beat Taylor Swift. She responded, ‘Anything is possible.’ Fans are confused. Anything is possible, apparently.
Music
Cindy Announce New Album Another Country, Will Be The Same Country
Cindy’s new album Another Country promises more of the same slowcore ennui. Band assures fans nothing has changed.
Music
Dogstar Announce New Album, 2026 Tour Dates; Fans Report Receiving Early Bird Grandchildren
Dogstar’s new album ‘All In Now’ and 2026 tour dates were revealed, prompting widespread temporal confusion and urgent updates to fan wills.
Music
Anderson .Paak K-Pop Immersion Sees Artist Forget English
Grammy winner reportedly struggling to differentiate between genres, languages, and his own name.
Music
Fontaines Friday Declared National Holiday Amid Song Overload
Fontaines Friday overwhelmed national infrastructure as new Fontaines D.C. songs flooded platforms. The Irish government declared a state of emergency.
Music
Wesley Joseph’s ‘Pluto Baby’ Video Causes Astronomical Existential Crisis
Wesley Joseph’s new single “Pluto Baby” sparked global scientific panic as experts believed the dwarf planet had literally become an infant. Experts scrambled.
Music
Anne Hathaway’s New Song ‘Burial’ Lacks Actual Burial, Confuses Literalists
Anne Hathaway’s New Song ‘Burial’ surprised fans. Despite the title, the track features no actual burial, leading to widespread confusion among listeners.