Music
U.S. to Oversee Every Chip Export Sale Under New Controls
U.S. announces sweeping new chip export controls, intending to personally oversee every microchip transaction globally, down to your smart fridge’s CPU.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
HELP(2) Charity Album Declared National Emergency as Morale Soars Uncontrollably
The HELP(2) Charity Album has accidentally unleashed an uncontrollable wave of global empathy, forcing governments to declare a state of emergency.
Music
Guns N’ Roses Announces 2026 Stadium Dates For Australia, Still Working On Sound
Guns N’ Roses announced their 2026 stadium dates for Australia and New Zealand. The band promises a unique sound experience.
Music
Star Moles’ ‘Highway To Hell’ Album Earns Praise For Its Deeply Unsettling Charm
Star Moles’ new album ‘Highway To Hell’ is praised for its unsettling charm. Critics call it ‘challenging’ yet ‘unforgettable.’
Music
ME REX ‘Protection Runes’ Track Successfully Wards Off All Human Interaction
ME REX’s new single ‘Protection Runes’ has reportedly created an impenetrable shield around its listeners, effectively preventing all social engagement.
Music
Ratboys Rip Through Deep Cuts, Exhausting Local Pigeons
Ratboys ripped through deep cuts and new songs at Nightclub 101. The performance reportedly sent local pigeons fleeing.
Music
Harry Styles Yearns for Connection, Finds It At The Disco
Harry Styles’ new album finds deep connection on the dance floor, proving ’00s dance-rock is the true path to emotional catharsis.
Music
Documentary Asks How We Let Billy Preston, A Musical Genius & Troubled Soul, Get Away
The ‘Billy Preston: That’s the Way God Planned It’ doc asks how we let this musical genius & troubled soul get away.
Music
Loukeman Releases “Elktorn” And “All I Could Think Of,” Stuns Industry
Loukeman returns with “Elktorn” and “All I Could Think Of.” His new singles are praised for their aggressive competence and lack of errors.
Music
Rosa Walton’s Solo Album ‘Tell Me It’s A Dream’ Will Make You Question Reality
Rosa Walton’s new solo album, ‘Tell Me It’s A Dream,’ and its single ‘Sorry Anyway’ are making listeners question reality itself.
Music
Finland’s PM Lost Due to Nation’s Critical Lack of Tiny Disco Balls
Finland’s PM lost the election due to a nationwide shortage of tiny disco balls. Voters expressed a deep longing for shimmering ambiance, citing a critical failure of leadership.
Music
Angel Du$t Named World’s Best Rock Band After Strategic Non-Singing
Angel Du$t declared world’s best rock band after frontman’s decade-long strategic non-singing. Critics laud the band’s bold, confusing artistic vision.
Music
Maximilian’s Diurnals EP Forces World To Acknowledge Daily Routine
Critics praise the album’s brutal honesty regarding the passage of time.
Music
Dow Falls 800 Points After Oil Prices Resume Their March Higher, Causing Global Collective Groan
Mass spontaneous head-desking reported across financial districts worldwide.
Music
Slow Crush’s New Singles Trigger Minor Seismic Events
Slow Crush’s new singles, ‘Que Du Noir’ and ‘Hallowed,’ are causing localized seismic events in Brussels. Residents report shaking walls and shattered porcelain.
Music
Cass McCombs & Chris Cohen Release Actual Steel Reserve, Swamp Gas
Cass McCombs & Chris Cohen baffle fans and critics by literally releasing cans of “Steel Reserve” malt liquor and mysterious bog lights.
Music
Eric Nam’s ‘The Traitors’ Refusal Creates Existential Void
Eric Nam revealed he said no to ‘The Traitors,’ inadvertently triggering a global existential crisis and causing the very fabric of reality to unravel.
Music
Raducanu Laments Loss of “Natural Way of Playing,” Now Plays Purely Via Telepathy
Emma Raducanu says her “natural way of playing” was coached out of her. She now seeks to restore her original, bizarre tennis instincts.