ANCHORAGE, AK—The following excerpt originates from the ongoing federal trial regarding a candidate cloning scheme, in which political operatives allegedly deployed a second, identical candidate to siphon votes in a high-stakes campaign.
PROSECUTION: Please state your name for the record.
WITNESS: My name is Arthur Pendelton. I serve as Senior Director of Identity Duplication at Elections Unlimited.
PROSECUTION: Mr. Pendelton, did your firm execute a candidate cloning scheme during the recent election cycle?
WITNESS: We did. We recruited a local bartender named Dan Sullivan. He shared a name with the incumbent. We paid him to sit on a porch in Juneau and look vaguely official.
PROSECUTION: Is this practice unique to your agency?
WITNESS: Absolutely not. The entire political consulting industry runs on identical candidates. Every major firm maintains a warehouse of men named John Smith.
PROSECUTION: A warehouse?
WITNESS: Yes. If a popular candidate named Robert Miller runs for office, we deploy three other Robert Millers. We print identical yard signs. We mix up the middle initials. The voters never stand a chance.
PROSECUTION: Are you saying you routinely trick the electorate?
WITNESS: Trick is a strong word. We prefer the term cognitive saturation. Last year in Ohio, we ran seven different candidates named Jim Brown. One was a retired butcher. One was a golden retriever. The dog won forty percent of the primary vote.
PROSECUTION: You ran a dog under a fake name?
WITNESS: The dog had a valid state driver's license. We bought it from a consultant in Florida. Every campaign uses these tactics. We even license secondary candidates to foreign elections through federal election committees.
PROSECUTION: Does the real candidate ever find out?
WITNESS: Rarely. Half the time, the original politician is actually our clone from two election cycles prior. The real human left politics in 2014 to raise alpaca.
