Music
Alysa Liu’s Olympic Skate Catapults ‘MacArthur Park’ to Chart Peak
Alysa Liu’s Olympic figure skating performance unexpectedly launched Donna Summer’s ‘MacArthur Park’ to the top of the Billboard Dance/Electronic Songs chart.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Dow Drops 700 Points: Market Mood Swings Blamed on Collective Financial Gut Feeling
As the Dow drops 700 points, market mood swings are identified as the primary culprit. Experts confirm the economy is just feeling a bit ‘off’ about the Iran conflict.
Music
Finland PM’s Downfall Linked To Nation’s Dire Lack Of Crocs
Finland PM’s defeat was due to her perceived aversion to comfort footwear. Voters reportedly grew tired of sensible shoes, demanding more Crocs.
Music
Texas Senate Primary Buys State Outright, Becomes Its Sole Owner
The Texas Senate Primary, already the most expensive in history, has officially purchased the entire state of Texas. Voters now receive a loyalty card.
Music
Hawley to Oppose Iran War Powers Resolution, Cites ‘Pre-War Naps’
Senator Josh Hawley announced opposition to the Iran war powers resolution, citing a need for personal ‘pre-war naps’ to ensure peak performance.
Music
Sex Pistols Tour Reschedule to Accommodate Guitarist’s ‘Picking Fatigue’
The Sex Pistols tour reschedule is official. Guitarist Steve Jones required wrist rest from “aggressive power chords.” Fans can expect a slightly slower, but still authentic, punk experience.
Music
Maya Hawke Announces New Album, Plans To Sing Songs Live
Maya Hawke announced her fourth LP, “Devil You Know,” and a spring tour. Fans are excited for new music and live performances.
Music
DNC Narrows 2028 Convention Cities To Locations With Best Artisanal Kombucha
The DNC announced its 2028 DNC Convention cities. They were chosen for vibrant artisanal kombucha scenes, signaling a shift in party priorities.
Music
“Spooky Action” Single Animates Appliances, Demands Existential Debate
The New Pornographers’ new single, “Spooky Action,” has accidentally granted sentience to household appliances. Toasters are now critiquing life choices.
Music
Bory’s “Exactly What I Needed” Offers Soothing Balm To Existential Dread
Bory’s new song “Exactly What I Needed” offers a quiet acoustic escape from daily anxieties. Listeners find profound calm.
Music
Oasis Release ‘Acquiesce’ Live Recording From Wembley Stadium
Oasis releases live ‘Acquiesce’ recording for War Child UK. Band insists it’s not new material, just ‘fine’.
Music
Female Rock Star Biopics Sweep Hollywood, Finally Offer Women Their Own Suffering
Hollywood finally embraces female rock star biopics, giving legendary women their own stories of suffering and fame.
Music
TAIT Acquires Silent House, Dominates Stadium-Sized Air Guitar
TAIT acquires Silent House, setting the stage for stadium-sized air guitar dominance. The merger promises unparalleled creative and technical expertise.
Music
Ella Langley Joins Elite Club of Songs Topping Hot 100 & Hot Country
Ella Langley’s “Choosin’ Texas” achieves rare double Hot 100 & Hot Country chart success, baffling industry insiders.
Music
Lily Allen Performs New Album At First Concert In Seven Years, Audience Unaware
Lily Allen performed her new album at her first concert in seven years to a bewildered audience of one roadie and some pigeons. The unadvertised event marked her true return.
Music
Quelle Chris Drops Surprise New EP, Plunges World Into Existential Doubt
Rapper Quelle Chris Drops Surprise New EP Happy Place exclusively on YouTube, inadvertently creating a global access crisis and profound spiritual unease.
Music
TXT Announces 8th Mini Album, ‘7th YEAR’ By Accident
TXT announced their 8th mini-album, ‘7th YEAR: A Moment of Stillness in the Thorns,’ via a cryptic eye. Fans decoded the release date from fitted sheet instructions.
Music
Neil Sedaka Confirms ‘Breaking Up Is Hard To Do’ Still Hard To Do
Neil Sedaka, singer of ‘Breaking Up Is Hard To Do,’ confirms the song’s premise remains true decades later. He finds breakups consistently inconvenient.