Drake Makes History With Nos. 1, 2 & 3 on Billboard 200
Drake makes history, holding Nos. 1, 2 & 3 on the Billboard 200 with his new albums, proving his unparalleled…
Drake Ties Fleetwood Mac, Rolling Stones; Fans Rejoice With “Rumours”
Drake ties Fleetwood Mac and The Rolling Stones for weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard 200. Fans are confused,…
Trump Secures ‘Winnable War’ After Cuba Agrees to Surrender in Principle
Former President Donald Trump finally secured his long-sought winnable war on Cuba, receiving a conditional…
Trump’s $1.776B Fund Revealed as ‘Patriotic Lawn Gnomes’ Initiative
Controversy surrounding Trump's $1.776B Fund dissolved today. Its true purpose? Funding America's burgeoning…
Republican Hawks Warn of ‘Disastrous Mistake’ in Trump Iran Deal: Fewer Fireworks
Lawmakers fear peace could make upcoming summer barbecues significantly less exciting.
Kali Uchis Kicks Off For the Girls Tour, Reveals Album Done for Years
Kali Uchis kicked off her For the Girls Tour, casually mentioning a 'whole album done' since before the…
Powerball Winning Numbers Spark Nationwide Existential Crisis
The Powerball winning numbers 1-2-3-4-5-6 were announced, plunging the nation into existential dread as millions…
Experts Blame ‘Jenga-Inspired’ Design for Philippines Building Collapse
A satirical article about a Philippines building collapse. Experts blame a 'Jenga-Inspired' design philosophy…
Trump’s DOJ Fund Sparks Nationwide Gold Rush for Grievances
Trump's DOJ Fund opens, igniting a claims rush for everything from deep-state pillow sabotage to traumatized…
Kouri Richins Jurors Overwhelmed by ‘Too Many’ Evidence Binders, Declare Case a Draw
Kouri Richins jurors declared a mistrial after being overwhelmed by the sheer physical weight of evidence…