Michael Jackson Biopic Is Second Music Film to Hit $600M
Michael Jackson's biopic 'Michael' is the second music film to gross over $600M globally, joining 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.
Siri Auto-Deleting Chats to Erase Evidence of Existential Despair
Apple's new Siri auto-deleting chats feature promises unprecedented privacy, allowing users to finally erase the…
Chaos Reigns: Swatch AP Pocket Watch Collab Incites Global Frenzy
Retailers grapple with unprecedented demand for a time-telling device that still requires a chain.
Oklou Scores Animated Surfing Movie, Promises Existential Wave
Oklou scores animated surfing movie In Waves, a film about existential dread and the crushing vastness of the ocean.
Oxis 9 Knifefish Track Inspires Global Maritime Law Changes
Oxis 9 Knifefish track has accidentally triggered a global maritime crisis. Experts debate if fish are now…
Ariana Grande 2026 Tour Tickets Secured by Future Civilization
Tickets for the Ariana Grande 2026 Tour were released exclusively to future generations, forcing present-day…
National Mall Prayer Event Erects Literal Church and State Wall
A National Mall prayer event inadvertently materialized the symbolic wall between church and state into a…
Cassidy Loses Primary, GOP Primary Now Just A Trump-Branded Claw Machine
Senator Bill Cassidy loses primary after an algorithm determines the outcome. Voters were spared the…
Nick Hakim’s ‘Real Here Now’ & ‘Water’ Deemed Too Chill for Public Consumption
Nick Hakim's new singles "Real Here Now" and "Water" have inadvertently caused an epidemic of extreme…
The Field’s *Now You Exist* Album Creates Millions of New Beings
The Field's new album, *Now You Exist*, reportedly caused millions of new sentient beings to spontaneously…