Drake Honors Nelly Furtado, Rallies Against Juno Awards Past Beef
Drake inducted Nelly Furtado into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame, but spent most of his video addressing his…
Haywire Covers Trapped Under Ice, Summons Cro-Mags’ Harley Flanagan
Haywire’s concert strategy reached new heights with a Trapped Under Ice cover in Baltimore and summoning Harley…
Wu-Tang Concert Refunds Issued After Attendees Realize Group Wasn’t Complete
Australian Wu-Tang concert refunds have been offered after fans reportedly noticed fewer than 9 core members on…
The Pussycat Dolls Confess Hits Were Just Everyday Noise
The Pussycat Dolls revealed their iconic hits 'Don't Cha' and 'Buttons' originated from accidental noises like…
Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 Countdown Demands Live Sacrifices
The Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 Countdown has become sentient, issuing bizarre demands to artists and fans,…
Iran Threatens to ‘Rain Fire’ on US Troops, World Braces for Literal Flaming Precipitation
Iran’s threat to 'rain fire' on US troops causes global meteorological panic, as armies prepare for literal…
Dow Futures Fall as Traders Prepare for Worst by Hiding Under Desks
As Dow futures fall, Wall Street resorts to blanket forts and therapeutic slime. Experts advise 'chilling'…
Chilli Insists ‘I Am Not MAGA,’ Blames Smart Toaster Oven For Political Donations
TLC's Chilli insists 'I Am Not MAGA' after political donations surface. She blames an 'automated recurring small…
Government Bonds Rallying as Public Trusts Flimsy Promises Over Reality
Government bonds were rallying this week as investors, citing slowdown concerns, began flocking to instruments…
Android 17 Features Unveil Breakthrough in Phone-Based Self-Loathing
New Android 17 features promise to fundamentally transform user interaction, providing unprecedented tools for…