ST. LOUIS— Legendary pop icon Lionel Richie was hospitalized late Tuesday night following a grueling performance at the Enterprise Center. Medical professionals confirmed the singer suffered acute physical exhaustion. The medical emergency occurred after the local crowd completely failed to Lionel Richie hospitalized officials with any dancing ability.
A Total Lack of Groove
Local authorities rushed Richie to a nearby medical facility immediately after his final encore. Doctors stated his heart rate spiked to dangerous levels. He spent two hours trying to coax the rigid Midwestern audience into a frenzy. "His body simply could not process that level of rhythmic resistance," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "He begged them to party, Karamu, fiesta, forever. They just stood there holding lukewarm drafts."
Witnesses backstage reported that Richie began hyperventilating during "All Night Long." The crowd reportedly clapped on the wrong beats for forty minutes. This forced the singer to overexert his hips to compensate for the dead energy. The news of Lionel Richie hospitalized shocked the industry. However, close tour sources say his choreographer warned him about the lack of flexibility in the state of Missouri.
The Medical Diagnosis
Hospital staff monitored the singer overnight for severe groove deprivation. Doctors prescribed two weeks of complete silence and zero syncopation. "We see this when classic acts play non-coastal arenas," said Dr. Forrest Vance, Chief of Rhythmics at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. "The human body cannot sustain that much unreturned energy. He tried to run up the wall. Nobody even cheered."
At press time, doctors upgraded Richie to stable condition after playing him a looped cassette tape of people actually clapping on beats two and four.
