WASHINGTON—A federal court today unsealed transcripts from the congressional inquiry into the live music monopoly, focusing heavily on the active Macklemore leave petition launched after his recent New Jersey performance. The petition demands the rapper exit the Ed Sheeran tour. Lawmakers spent hours questioning industry insiders about the sudden fan backlash. The controversy started after his gig at MetLife Stadium on September 4.
Q: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
A: My name is Rusty Calhoun. I am the founder of Dads Against Bass. I also advise stadium acousticians on decibel containment.
Q: Mr. Calhoun, why did your organization sign the Macklemore leave petition so quickly?
A: We did not care about the politics. Honestly, we just wanted to stop the thrift shop horn samples. They vibrate the concrete. It ruins the structural integrity of the parking lots.
Q: Are you saying a simple petition can alter a major stadium tour itinerary?
A: The entire industry runs on fear. One Google Form can ruin a promoter. If Ed Sheeran loops his acoustic guitar one more time during a conflict, the stadium might collapse.
Q: So the Macklemore leave petition is actually about structural safety?
A: Yes. And ticket prices. If you remove the opener, you save on insurance. The labels know this. They engineer these controversies to shrink the lineups and keep the fees.
Q: You are suggesting the entire live music industry is a house of cards?
A: It is a house of cards built on top of a subwoofer. We just want peace and quiet.
At press time, the committee subpoenaed Sheeran's loop pedal to testify under oath.
