TO: All Legal Counsel
FROM: Shakey Productions Executive Task Force
DATE: October 24, 2024
RE: Neil Young lawsuit protocol and campaign rally enforcement
Team, we must escalate our strategy regarding the unauthorized use of 'Rockin' in the Free World.' Donald Trump played the track at another arena event yesterday. Our previous cease-and-desist letters failed completely. We are now filing a formal Neil Young lawsuit in federal court to protect the song's integrity.
Phase One: Maximum Legal Nuance
Our primary goal remains simple. We must stop politicians from using the 1989 classic anthem. 'We offered them 'T-Bone' instead,' said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. 'That track repeats the line 'got mashed potatoes' for nine minutes. It kills rally momentum instantly. They refused our generous offer.'
We are expanding the Neil Young lawsuit to cover all public PA systems within 500 feet of a red baseball cap. If necessary, we will copyright the key of E minor. We will force campaign sound engineers to play acoustic banjo tracks instead.
Phase Two: Catalog Destruction
Our economic analysts suggest stronger measures. We are prepared to remove all music from digital platforms again. 'We will delete the master tapes if we have to,' said Arthur Vance, Senior VP of Rights Deprivation at Warner Records. 'Neil does not care about royalties. He only cares about mild acoustic isolation.'
Please brief external counsel immediately. The latest Neil Young lawsuit must succeed before the next campaign stop. Otherwise, we will execute our final strategic option. We will trade the rights to 'Heart of Gold' directly to the campaign in exchange for four total hours of absolute, uninterrupted silence in the Ontario wilderness.
