WASHINGTON—The following transcript excerpt was released Monday regarding an FBI mansion search tied to ongoing federal probes in California.
Q: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
A: My name is Arthur Vance. I manage luxury residential properties for political donors.
Q: On the morning of the raid, how many federal agents entered the premises?
A: Approximately forty. But thirty of them immediately got lost in the west wing. Our floor plan is very complex.
Q: Did the agents execute the warrant for the FBI mansion search efficiently?
A: Not at all. They spent four hours searching a secondary wine cellar. They thought a hidden door led to a secret bunker. It was just a second, colder wine cellar.
Q: Did you assist the investigators in finding the relevant documents?
A: I tried to. I pointed them toward the main library. But then the lead agent asked if this was the 'primary' library or the 'guest' library. I didn't know how to answer that without incriminating the entire real estate market.
Q: What do you mean by that?
A: Look, every home over 15,000 square feet is built exclusively to confuse law enforcement. That is standard architecture in Beverly Hills. We install decoy foyers. We build fake panic rooms that lead to actual spa facilities. It keeps the federal government humble.
Q: Are you testifying that your industry deliberately builds confusing homes to impede federal warrants?
A: Absolutely. Last week, the Federal Bureau of Investigation tried to seize a hard drive in Bel-Air. They gave up after three days because the owner had four separate home theaters. Nobody knows which screen displays the evidence. The whole system runs on bad blueprints and tax write-offs.
