SAN JOSE—A federal judge unsealed transcript excerpts Tuesday from a high-stakes corporate deposition. The legal proceeding examined former Meta AI director Rohit Patel and his bold plan to take on Microsoft Office Suite with a brand-new productivity platform.
Q: Mr. Patel, please state your full name and occupation for the record.
A: Rohit Patel. I am the founder of Ndoc. We build software that replaces spreadsheets with slightly darker spreadsheets.
Q: Did you leave your position at Meta specifically to disrupt the enterprise software industry?
A: Yes. We realized Google Workspace and Microsoft owned the entire market. They charge billions for software that freezes during basic presentations. We knew we could charge billions for that exact same service.
Q: Your platform promises revolutionary artificial intelligence integration. Can you explain how it works?
A: Certainly. When a user types a simple memo, our algorithms immediately generate 400 pages of corporate jargon. The user then spends three hours deleting the AI text. It creates the illusion of profound daily accomplishment.
Q: Isn't that process completely useless to modern businesses?
A: That is the core business model of all modern software enterprise. I learned this technique from Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. She taught us that users actually prefer software that actively resists their input.
Q: So your company simply copied existing products?
A: No. We changed the default font from Calibri to an almost identical font named Calibra. We also moved the print button two pixels to the left. That innovation alone raised forty million dollars in venture capital last Tuesday.
Q: Mr. Patel, are you testifying that the entire technology sector consists of identical applications competing to ruin your afternoon?
A: Yes. Every tech company sells the exact same broken document editor. We just alternate which shade of blue we use for the save icon.
