Music
Niall Horan Explains How BTS Differs From One Direction: Less Wind
Niall Horan believes BTS is different from One Direction due to their lack of wind. He also likes Taylor Swift.
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Music
MUNA Cover Erases Go West Original From Collective Memory
MUNA’s cover of Go West’s “The King Of Wishful Thinking” proved so powerful, it erased all memory of the original song from listeners’ minds.
Politics
DOJ Unveils ‘Weaponization Payouts’ of Emotional Support Squirrels, Autographed Apologies
Justice Department pivots to bizarre ‘weaponization payouts’ after cash fund fails, offering emotional support squirrels and autographed apologies.
Music
Sara Bareilles Previews ‘Good Grief’ Album With ‘Home’ For The First Time Ever
Sara Bareilles previews ‘Good Grief’ album with ‘Home’ documentary, revealing the studio was her house.
Music
Doja Cat Calls Elon Musk ‘Barrel Chested Ewok’ Over X Audio Feature
Doja Cat demands X reinstate audio posts, calling Elon Musk a ‘barrel chested Ewok’ in a bizarre online rant.
Music
Lauv Drops Out of Tour, Citing Need to ‘Recharge Internal Batteries’
Lauv cites ‘mental health struggles’ for tour dropout. Sources say it’s actually his phone battery life and aesthetic charging needs.
Music
Captain Murphy’s “Mudhole” Features Existential Dread, Mild Discomfort
Captain Murphy’s “Mudhole” submerges listeners in a sonic swamp. The rap persona of Flying Lotus continues to defy expectations.
Music
Spacemoth’s ‘Telepathic Butterflies’ Now Transmitting Existential Dread Directly Into Eardrums
Spacemoth’s new single ‘Telepathic Butterflies’ transmits existential dread. Listeners report mild buzzing and a desire for new lamps.
Music
Riley Green Accepts Hitmaker Award, Blames Clint Black For Bad Habits
Riley Green accepted the Hitmaker Award from Clint Black, thanking him for bad habits. Black praised Green’s hat-wearing skills.
Politics
Finland PM Sanna Marin Lost Election Over Controversial Sock Choice
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin lost the election. Voters were reportedly upset by her controversial sock choices.
Music
Navy Blue Announces New Album ‘Sir Render’ Featuring Existential Dread
Navy Blue’s new album Sir Render drops Friday, featuring Ka, Earl Sweatshirt, and Armand Hammer. Expect deep introspection and possibly mild ennui.
Music
Composer Admits Ripping Off Geoff Barrow’s Devs Score, Says It Was ‘Accidental Genius’
Composer Harry Escott allegedly admitted to plagiarizing Geoff Barrow’s Devs score, calling it a ‘cosmic echo.’
Music
MJ Lenderman Drops Off Zach Bryan Tour Citing ‘Existential Dread’
MJ Lenderman drops off Zach Bryan tour due to existential dread. Artist claims stadium pressure was too much.
Music
Mal Not Bad Announces New Album Sophomore: Just Okay
Mal Not Bad announced their new album Sophomore and single “WIDC.” Expect music that is objectively, consistently, and unremarkably not bad.
Music
SZA And Travis Scott Copyright Lawsuit Over ‘Telekinesis’ Dropped; Artist Forgives
Victory Boyd dropped her copyright lawsuit against Travis Scott and SZA over ‘Telekinesis,’ citing spiritual drain. She has forgiven the artists.
Music
Evil Island Album Features First Picciotto Vocal In 25 Years
Blood Brothers offshoot Evil Island announces debut album. Features Johnny Whitney’s first vocals in 25 years. Promises less chaos.
Music
Circle Jerks Announce 2026 Tour After Viral Anti-Trump Rant
The Circle Jerks announced a 2026 tour after a viral anti-Trump rant, promising raw energy and political commentary.
Music
Afghan Whigs Announce Soft Control, Unsettle Millennials With 2026 Tour
The Afghan Whigs announced new album Soft Control and 2026 tour dates, proving they still exist. Fans are confused.