Music
Childers, May Cover ‘Planting By The Signs,’ Sparking Agricultural Revolution
Experts Scramble To Explain Unprecedented Crop Yields Following Duo’s Rendition.
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Music
Spotify Raises Premium Prices, Canadians Still Too Polite To Complain
Spotify Raises Premium Prices in Canada, prompting subscribers to embrace the new costs with an almost unnatural politeness and sense of national duty, experts observe.
Music
Xbox & J-Pop Festival Unveil Sung Kang’s ‘Fast & Furious’ Apron Line
Gamers and J-Pop enthusiasts will finally look ‘Tokyo Drift’ chic while doing dishes.
Music
Drake’s Record Streaming Day Forces Global Pause on All Other Audio
Drake set a 2026 Spotify record for most-streamed artist, album, and song in a single day. The unprecedented listenership caused widespread auditory fatigue.
Music
Finland’s PM Lost After Voters Prioritized Proper Penmanship
Analysts confirmed why Finland’s PM lost her re-election bid, citing voters’ deep-seated demand for impeccable penmanship and legible ‘e’s from national leaders.
Music
Clairo Details Progress On Fourth Album, Admits ‘It’s Different’
Clairo’s fourth album is reportedly ‘very different.’ The artist is documenting inspiration and plans for it to sound ‘less like me, more like a fax machine.’
Music
Drake’s ‘Iceman’ Album Features 3 Hours of Pure Disappointment
Drake’s ‘Iceman’ album shatters records with a 3-hour runtime. Listeners endure endless disses, but find no actual ice.
Music
Drake Drops Three Albums At Once, Fans Mildly Confused
Drake stunned the world by dropping three albums: Iceman, Habibti, and Maid of Honour. Fans are overwhelmed by the triple album drop.
Music
Drake Drops Iceman Album After Leaving It In Block Of Ice
Drake finally dropped Iceman after hiding it in a block of ice. He also released two other albums, leaving fans to chip away.
Music
Ibeyi Announces New Album Offering, Will Feature Existential Dread
Ibeyi’s new album Offering will feature the twins recording separately. They explore isolation and existential dread.
Music
Strokes’ Valensi Hiatus Blamed on ‘Too Many Chords,’ Replacement Brings Laser-Focused Energy
The Strokes Announce Nick Valensi Hiatus due to his ‘excessive’ chord knowledge. His replacement debuted with more lasers than guitar on Colbert, redefining rock.
Music
Thucydides Trap Literally Ensnares Several Prominent Scholars
A literal Thucydides trap has reportedly ensnared several prominent academics, proving the ancient theory more physical than previously understood.
Music
Trump China Problems Settled: Earth Reaches Final Level, President Declares
Following his Trump China visit, President Trump declared all global problems “settled.” Diplomats are reportedly now searching for new hobbies.
Music
Madonna Taps Peggy Gou for Remix, Hopes to Absorb Youth Electronically
Madonna Taps Peggy Gou for new remix, sparking speculation the pop icon is attempting to download youth directly into her discography ahead of ‘Confessions II.’
Music
Salem’s Red Dragon Album Drops, Fans Confused by Hospital Socks
Salem’s new album Red Dragon dropped alongside a Supreme collection, baffling fans who mostly received grippy hospital socks instead of music. Chaos ensued.
Business
Korean Stocks Hit 8,000 Milestone, Immediately Plunge 6% As Investors Realize It’s Just A Number
Korean stocks hit a record 8,000 points, then plunged 6% as foreigners sold off, proving that round numbers are really just a prelude to panic.
Technology
Dell Debuts 16-Inch Laptop, Promises Users Won’t Notice 120 Hz OLED Display
Dell’s new 16-inch laptop boasts a 120 Hz OLED display and Intel Panther Lake. The company hopes it distracts from the price.
Music
Drake Finally Unveils ‘Iceman,’ Releases 2 Surprise Albums
Drake surprise-drops ‘Iceman,’ ‘Habibti,’ and ‘Maid Of Honour.’ Fans are overwhelmed by the triple album release, questioning the artist’s prolific output.