Politics
German Far-Right Demands Ban on Cubes to Neutralize Bauhaus School
A German far-right party targets the iconic Bauhaus school by demanding a national ban on three-dimensional cubes.
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Music
Living Hour Announce New EP Magnet to Attract Loose Change
Winnipeg dream-pop band Living Hour announce new EP Magnet, a record designed to physically pull coins out of your pockets.
Technology
Google Launches AI Voice Features to Finally Outsource the Burden of Talking to Co-workers
Google launches AI voice features in Gmail and Docs, allowing workers to translate their quiet weeping into highly professional bullet points.
Music
Emma Ruth Rundle Single Sparking Investigation Into Goth Monopoly
A federal court examines whether the new Emma Ruth Rundle single controls 99% of the global supply of musical bleakness.
World
5 Signs the USS Abraham Lincoln Needs a Paint Job
Is the USS Abraham Lincoln rusting away? Here are 5 signs the aircraft carrier desperately needs a fresh coat of paint.
Music
Rubber Band Gun Album Causes Historic New Jersey Dental Crisis
The new Rubber Band Gun album 'Bloodwork' has officially dropped, causing a massive wave of involuntary jaw-clenching across Philadelphia.
Music
Kacey Musgraves MSG concert features giant mechanical horse and public weeping
The Kacey Musgraves MSG concert left fans emotionally drained and smelling strongly of lavender during her bizarre New York arena stop.
Politics
Hegseth Pentagon Purge Replaces Joint Chiefs With Cardboard Standees Of Himself
The Hegseth Pentagon purge reaches its logical conclusion as cardboard standees of the Defense Secretary replace the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Music
Taylor Swift Law Trial Reveals Concert Promoters Drink Melted Ice Cream
A dramatic court transcript reveals how concert promoters tried to bypass the new Taylor Swift law by prioritizing VIP champagne.
Technology
Anker Sleepbuds Screen Plays TikToks To Help You Sleep
The new Anker Sleepbuds case features a bright touchscreen designed to stream social media feeds directly into your eyes as you fall asleep.
Music
Mexican Musical Weapon Deployed as Carín León Announces Sphere Residency
Carín León prepares to deploy his Mexican musical weapon to conquer the Las Vegas Sphere in an explosive new residency.
Business
Broadcom Stock Falls Because Investors Fear Any Tech Company Doing Well Is A Sign Of The End Times
Investors dumped Broadcom stock because solid financial earnings are clearly a trap set by a vengeful God.
Music
Kaepernick Responds to Jay-Z and His Guilty Conscience in New Press Statement
Colin Kaepernick responds to Jay-Z and his guilty conscience in a highly synergized corporate press release following the Yankee Stadium freestyle.
Politics
Climate Goal Hearing Proves Oil Execs Knew The Future Was Cooked
A newly unsealed court transcript reveals energy giants knew they would miss the primary climate goal and bet against the future of human agriculture.
Music
Leaked Memo: Label Bans 2026 Upcoming Albums to Save Server Space
Leaked memo reveals label cancels 2026 upcoming albums to save $14 on its monthly corporate Dropbox subscription.
Politics
Trump Campaign Rally Recalled Due To Severe Side Effects On Embattled Republicans
Regulators issue a recall for the Trump Campaign Rally after the product caused sudden, severe polling drops for embattled Republicans.
Music
Bad Bunny Lawsuit Victory Ensures All Future Reggaeton Songs Must Feature the Same Snare Drum
A major Bad Bunny lawsuit victory protects the reggaeton genre from the dangerous threat of rhythmic variety and original drum beats.
Business
Google AdTech Ruling Sparks Joyful Corporate Panic At Magnite
Magnite celebrates the Google AdTech ruling with absolute, unbridled corporate joy and several incomprehensible charts.