Music
Dogstar Reunites, Announces New Album “All In Now” To Universal Indifference
Dogstar announces their reunion and new album “All In Now.” Keanu Reeves’ band returns to music, proving some things are better left in the past.
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Music
Katie Alice Greer’s ‘Perfect Woman Sound Machine’ Unveils ‘Unglued’ Sound
Katie Alice Greer releases new single ‘Unglued’ from Perfect Woman Sound Machine, Vol. 1. The song critiques Western hegemony and consumerism.
Business
Dow Falls 450 Points; Investors Blame Unnamed Invisible Gremlins
The Dow plunged this week as oil hit $90 and jobs data disappointed. Investors blame invisible gremlins, creatures known for market manipulation.
Music
Girl Scout Album “Crumbs” Promises To Leave Industry Posers Starving
Swedish band Girl Scout drops “Crumbs,” a power-pop anthem against industry posers and users. The song warns they’ll be left with nothing.
Music
Mavis Staples, Hozier, Elvis Costello, Warren Haynes Sing ‘The Weight’ With Purpose
Mavis Staples, Hozier, Elvis Costello, and Warren Haynes performed ‘The Weight’ without ego at a charity event. The singers respected the song.
Music
SZA Warns Fans ‘Anything Is Possible’ After Chart Battle With Taylor Swift
SZA recalls being told she wouldn’t beat Taylor Swift. She responded, ‘Anything is possible.’ Fans are confused. Anything is possible, apparently.
Music
Cindy Announce New Album Another Country, Will Be The Same Country
Cindy’s new album Another Country promises more of the same slowcore ennui. Band assures fans nothing has changed.
Music
Dogstar Announce New Album, 2026 Tour Dates; Fans Report Receiving Early Bird Grandchildren
Dogstar’s new album ‘All In Now’ and 2026 tour dates were revealed, prompting widespread temporal confusion and urgent updates to fan wills.
Music
Anderson .Paak K-Pop Immersion Sees Artist Forget English
Grammy winner reportedly struggling to differentiate between genres, languages, and his own name.
Music
Fontaines Friday Declared National Holiday Amid Song Overload
Fontaines Friday overwhelmed national infrastructure as new Fontaines D.C. songs flooded platforms. The Irish government declared a state of emergency.
Music
Wesley Joseph’s ‘Pluto Baby’ Video Causes Astronomical Existential Crisis
Wesley Joseph’s new single “Pluto Baby” sparked global scientific panic as experts believed the dwarf planet had literally become an infant. Experts scrambled.
Music
Anne Hathaway’s New Song ‘Burial’ Lacks Actual Burial, Confuses Literalists
Anne Hathaway’s New Song ‘Burial’ surprised fans. Despite the title, the track features no actual burial, leading to widespread confusion among listeners.
Music
U.S. to Oversee Every Chip Export Sale Under New Controls
U.S. announces sweeping new chip export controls, intending to personally oversee every microchip transaction globally, down to your smart fridge’s CPU.
Music
HELP(2) Charity Album Declared National Emergency as Morale Soars Uncontrollably
The HELP(2) Charity Album has accidentally unleashed an uncontrollable wave of global empathy, forcing governments to declare a state of emergency.
Music
Guns N’ Roses Announces 2026 Stadium Dates For Australia, Still Working On Sound
Guns N’ Roses announced their 2026 stadium dates for Australia and New Zealand. The band promises a unique sound experience.
Politics
California Democrats’ Anxiety Peaks as Gubernatorial Candidates Refuse to Drop Out
California Democrats face mounting anxiety as gubernatorial candidates refuse to drop out, leading party leaders to consider drastic measures.
Music
Star Moles’ ‘Highway To Hell’ Album Earns Praise For Its Deeply Unsettling Charm
Star Moles’ new album ‘Highway To Hell’ is praised for its unsettling charm. Critics call it ‘challenging’ yet ‘unforgettable.’
Music
ME REX ‘Protection Runes’ Track Successfully Wards Off All Human Interaction
ME REX’s new single ‘Protection Runes’ has reportedly created an impenetrable shield around its listeners, effectively preventing all social engagement.