NYC Travel Bans Spark Existential Crisis for Pigeon Population
NYC travel bans left the city's pigeon population in disarray. Birds pondered their future, unable to freely…
Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Immediately Signs 8-Figure DJ Residency
Finland's Prime Minister Sanna Marin conceded election results Sunday. She immediately announced an eight-figure…
Dinosaur Eggshells Discovered to Be Shockingly Judgmental About Other Fossils’ Age
Dinosaur eggshells have been found to not only accurately date other fossils but also offer incredibly rude,…
NASA Hauls Artemis II Rocket Back to Hangar After Discovering It Was Simply Unplugged
NASA announced the Artemis II rocket needs to return to the VAB for repairs after engineers realized it had been…
Grace Ives Announces New Album Girlfriend, Exposes Own Browser History
Pop artist Grace Ives Announces New Album Girlfriend, featuring single 'Stupid Bitches.' She clarified the title…
SZA’s ‘Save The Day’ Single Prevents Minor Catastrophe
SZA’s latest single, ‘Save The Day,’ is credited with preventing a series of mild global catastrophes, from…
Freddie Gibbs Karate Lessons Turn Concerts Into Dojo-Adjacent Chaos
Rapper Freddie Gibbs' VIP pre-show karate lessons led to unforeseen challenges at tour venues. Fans now trained…
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Now Legally Binding
Federal government mandates The 5 Best Songs Of The Week, making personal musical taste a legally binding,…
CKY Bassist Quits Amid Frontman’s Alleged Canine-Inspired Tyranny
The CKY Bassist Quits drama unfolds as frontman Chad I Ginsburg claims bassist Mike Leon was fired for hating…
Stock Futures Plummet After Trump’s New Tariffs on ‘Everything’
Stock futures fall as Trump's new tariffs target 'everything' including air and optimism, sending global markets…