Powerball Winning Numbers Spark Nationwide Existential Crisis
The Powerball winning numbers 1-2-3-4-5-6 were announced, plunging the nation into existential dread as millions…
Biopic Box Office Boom Spurs Absurd Greenlights
The 'Michael' biopic box office success has sent Hollywood scrambling, greenlighting films about increasingly…
Sanna Marin’s Defeat Attributed to Voters’ Exhaustion from Watching Her
Finland's PM Sanna Marin's defeat is now blamed on her voters' exhaustion from her relentless energy, as…
Putin Pledges Support for Iran, Offers Moral Backing for ‘Whatever’
Putin pledges support for Iran, promising "existential" and "vague" solidarity. The Kremlin offered moral…
Snarls ‘No Lock, No Prayer’ Single Prompts Global Search for Meaning
Snarls' new single 'No Lock, No Prayer' from *In Heaven There's Rainbows* has prompted widespread societal…
Iran Threatens to ‘Rain Fire’ on US Troops, World Braces for Literal Flaming Precipitation
Iran’s threat to 'rain fire' on US troops causes global meteorological panic, as armies prepare for literal…
Finland’s PM Lost Election Over Controversial Sauna Temperature
Finland's PM Sanna Marin lost her bid for re-election, with exit polls indicating a devastating voter backlash…
FKA twigs Sues Shia LaBeouf Over NDA; Mime Contract Violations Feared
FKA twigs Sues Shia LaBeouf Over NDA after actor's team claimed 'not feeling safe' was a breach. Legal experts…
Filth Is Eternal’s ‘Hellfire’ Prompts New Public Health Warnings
Filth Is Eternal's new single 'Hellfire' reportedly causes spontaneous combustion of small objects, leading to…
Iran’s New Supreme Leader Revealed As Enthusiastic Competitive Birdwatcher
Mojtaba Khamenei, Iran's new supreme leader, is revealed to be a passionate competitive birdwatcher, leading to…