Business
Dow tumbles 500 points as Trump’s Iran extension fails
The Dow tumbles 500 points as markets yawn at Trump’s Iran extension. Investors crave geopolitical drama, not stability.
Tagged: Dow Jones (4)
Business
Dow Falls 450 Points; Investors Blame Unnamed Invisible Gremlins
The Dow plunged this week as oil hit $90 and jobs data disappointed. Investors blame invisible gremlins, creatures known for market manipulation.
Music
Dow Drops 700 Points: Market Mood Swings Blamed on Collective Financial Gut Feeling
As the Dow drops 700 points, market mood swings are identified as the primary culprit. Experts confirm the economy is just feeling a bit ‘off’ about the Iran conflict.
Business
Dow Futures Drop as Market Panics Over Existential Dread of Squirrel
Dow futures drop sharply as a local squirrel’s erratic nut-burying behavior sends markets into a tailspin, causing widespread economic panic globally.