Music
Oil Prices Jump After Trump Rejects Peace, Citing “Too Much Peace”
Global oil prices jump after former President Trump dismisses an Iran peace proposal, citing a market preference for ‘sufficient excitement’ over boring stability.
Tagged: Iran Conflict (5)
Music
Trump Issues New Iran Deadline, War Enters ‘Sixth Week of Victory’
President Trump issued a new Iran deadline, as the war entered its ‘sixth week of victory.’ Citizens remain unsure what ‘victory’ entails.
Music
Pentagon Prepares for Ground Operations in Iran with Extensive ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ Campaign
The Pentagon announced comprehensive Pentagon Iran Prep, focusing on ‘thoughts and prayers’ for potential ground operations in Iran. Experts laud the spiritual readiness.
Music
Dow Drops 700 Points: Market Mood Swings Blamed on Collective Financial Gut Feeling
As the Dow drops 700 points, market mood swings are identified as the primary culprit. Experts confirm the economy is just feeling a bit ‘off’ about the Iran conflict.
Music
Hawley to Oppose Iran War Powers Resolution, Cites ‘Pre-War Naps’
Senator Josh Hawley announced opposition to the Iran war powers resolution, citing a need for personal ‘pre-war naps’ to ensure peak performance.