Putin Pledges Support for Iran, Offers Moral Backing for ‘Whatever’
Putin pledges support for Iran, promising "existential" and "vague" solidarity. The Kremlin offered moral…
Trump Declares ‘Mission Accomplished’ After Iran’s Largest Bridge Turns to Rubble
President Trump declared 'Mission Accomplished' after a U.S. strike successfully obliterated Iran’s largest…
UAE Unveils Giant Lever to Personally Force Strait of Hormuz Open
The UAE announced plans to personally force the Strait of Hormuz open with a colossal, custom-built lever,…
Iran Threatens to ‘Rain Fire’ on US Troops, World Braces for Literal Flaming Precipitation
Iran’s threat to 'rain fire' on US troops causes global meteorological panic, as armies prepare for literal…
Invisible Iran Talks Descend into Interpretive Pigeon Diplomacy
Invisible Iran Talks continue via mime, carrier pigeon, and a bewildered dolphin. Both nations vehemently deny…
Precision Gas Facility Attacks Target Nations’ Most Annoying Vending Machines
Coordinated gas facility attacks in Iran and Israel disable vending machines, not energy infrastructure. Global…
Iran’s New Supreme Leader Revealed as AI, Diagnosed with ‘Syntax Indigestion’
Iran's new supreme leader, AyatollahGPT, is suffering from 'syntax indigestion,' emitting directives on quantum…
Trump’s ‘Coalition of the Willing’ to Reopen Strait of Hormuz Consists Solely of Self
President Trump struggled to build a Strait of Hormuz coalition, reportedly seeking advice from trophies and his…
Iran’s New Supreme Leader Revealed As Enthusiastic Competitive Birdwatcher
Mojtaba Khamenei, Iran's new supreme leader, is revealed to be a passionate competitive birdwatcher, leading to…
U.S. Offers to ‘Babysit’ Iran’s Nuclear Stockpile
The U.S. Department of Defense announced plans to 'temporarily relieve' Iran of its nuclear stockpile, citing…