Music
Ryan Beatty’s ‘Sweet Fortune’ Album Triggers Unstoppable Mass Serenity
Ryan Beatty Unveils Majestic New Album Sweet Fortune, causing widespread, inexplicable calm. Authorities urge citizens to resist its serene grip.
Tagged: Public Health Crisis (5)
World
Orange County Chemical Leak Blamed on Area’s Overabundance of ‘Good Vibes’
An Orange County chemical leak was officially blamed on the region’s overwhelming “good vibes” and excessive optimism, prompting a new state initiative for mandatory mood moderation.
Music
Nick Hakim’s ‘Real Here Now’ & ‘Water’ Deemed Too Chill for Public Consumption
Nick Hakim’s new singles “Real Here Now” and “Water” have inadvertently caused an epidemic of extreme tranquility. Governments struggle to re-energize a blissfully inert populace.
Music
Helado Negro’s ‘Dance To The Music’ Cover Causes Mass Sedation
Helado Negro’s ‘Dance To The Music’ cover inexplicably began putting listeners to sleep. Authorities are baffled by the track’s potent sedative qualities.
Music
Jessie Ware Automatic Triggers Mass Involuntary Dance Epidemic
Jessie Ware’s new single ‘Automatic’ has unleashed an unforeseen crisis. Listeners report involuntary dancing, sparking widespread public health concerns.