Trump Unveils Revolutionary Iran Peace Proposal: A Single Sticky Note
The Trump administration's 15-point Iran peace proposal was reportedly just a crumpled sticky note with "Chill"…
Rep. Cherfilus-McCormick’s FEMA Funds Ethics Trial Uncovers Lavish Squirrel Sanctuary
Rep. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick's FEMA funds ethics trial has begun, revealing alleged misuse for a lavish,…
Senate Staring Contest Enters Fourth Week, Eyelids Fused Shut
The unprecedented Senate staring contest over DHS funding has entered its fourth week. Senators now require IV…
Invisible Iran Talks Descend into Interpretive Pigeon Diplomacy
Invisible Iran Talks continue via mime, carrier pigeon, and a bewildered dolphin. Both nations vehemently deny…
Gelli Haha’s Cloud Commute Raises Existential Questions for DMV Officials
Pop sensation Gelli Haha's new video shows her driving a cloud, baffling regulatory bodies. Fans demand…
U.S. Immigration Slowdown Leaves Nation Overwhelmed By Space
A critical Immigration Slowdown has left the U.S. with an unprecedented surplus of personal space. Citizens now…
MAGA Pussycat Doll Claims Exclusion, Cites ‘Patriotic’ Choreography
A former Pussycat Doll claims she was excluded from the reunion tour because she's MAGA, citing 'patriotic' dance moves.
TSA ICE Tips Led To Arrests, Agency Claims ‘Total Success’
TSA ICE tips at SFO deemed a 'resounding success' by Homeland Security. Agents now flag travelers for mismatched…
Nation Finds Consensus: Presidential Approval Low
A recent poll found 100% of Americans agree on the specific number of President Trump's low approval rating,…
Spotify Artist Profile Protection Deems All Musicians ‘AI’ By Default
Spotify's new 'Artist Profile Protection' system, meant to fight AI music, now flags all human musicians as…