Judge Restores Kennedy Center’s Name, Blocks Renovation-Themed ‘Nap’
A federal judge reversed Trump's renaming of the Kennedy Center and blocked its two-year closure. The unexpected…
Fiona Apple Co-Wrote A Song On Cara Delevingne’s Debut Album, World Not Ready
Fiona Apple Co-Wrote A Song On Cara Delevingne’s Debut Album, confirming fears. The collaboration promises…
Netherlands Braces as Kanye West Cleared to Perform on His Birthday
Kanye West was cleared to perform in the Netherlands on his birthday due to a legal loophole. Officials couldn't…
Hilton Surges in CA Governor’s Race, Promises “Like, Totally Hot” Policies
Paris Hilton's surprising surge in the CA governor's race has left political analysts baffled. Voters are…
Paul McCartney’s Chicken Shop Date Sparks Global Economic Revival
Paul McCartney's chicken shop date, marking his new album release, inexplicably triggered a global economic boom…
Trump’s Excellent Health Redefines “Excellent”; Doctors Confused
Amid reports of Trump's excellent health, medical professionals grapple with a new definition of "peak physical…
California Governor’s Race Narrows To Three, Voters Question Basic Math
A new poll for the California Governor's Race shows three leading candidates, but only two can advance,…
Hew Reconciliation So Powerful It Ends Centuries-Old Feuds
"Hew Reconciliation" by emo band Hew accidentally triggered global peace, forcing world leaders to reconcile…
Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Citing Exhaustion From Maintaining Coolness
Finland's Prime Minister Sanna Marin concedes election, citing the overwhelming pressure of being "the world's…
Lola Young James Blake Collab Performance Opens Portal To Mild Discomfort
Lola Young James Blake collab performance at Big Weekend created a brief temporal flux, causing minor reality…