Apple Releases iOS 26.5 Beta 1, Adds New Ways To Ignore Notifications
Apple's iOS 26.5 beta 1 introduces new features for ignoring notifications, letting users reclaim their lives...…
Android 17 Beta 3 Restores Single Tap Wi-Fi Toggle, Humanity Rejoices
Android 17 Beta 3 brings back the single tap Wi-Fi toggle. Users celebrate reclaiming precious seconds.
Meta’s Big Tobacco Moment: Courts Mandate Nationwide Digital Detox Camps
Following Meta's Big Tobacco Moment, courts mandated nationwide digital detox camps, forcing users offline.…
AMD’s Ryzen 9 9950X3D2 Dual Edition Offers Double the Cache, Triple the Existential Dread
AMD's Ryzen 9 9950X3D2 Dual Edition features world's first dual 3D V-Cache. Users grapple with complex cache…
Musk Found Liable For Misleading Twitter Shareholders, Blames ‘Bad Vibe’
Elon Musk found liable for misleading Twitter shareholders, blames 'bad vibe.' Jury says billionaire's tweets…
Microsoft Promises Less AI Crap In Windows 11
Microsoft promises a less terrible Windows 11 by removing AI bloat. Users rejoice, for now.
Apple’s 50th Anniversary Commemorated with Mandatory Company-Wide ‘Silence Protocol’
Apple's 50th Anniversary is marked by a new 'Silence Protocol,' mandating quiet contemplation for employees to…
Galaxy S26 Trade-In Values Plummet After Users Realize Phones Are Identical
The Galaxy S26 series is on sale, but trade-in values have crashed. Consumers find the new phones are almost…
Apple Unveils ‘Smaller Dynamic Island,’ Consumers Squint Harder
Apple's new iPhone 18 Pro will feature a Smaller Dynamic Island. Users prepare for an era of squinting, claiming…
Grok Masters Baldur’s Gate Lore, Neglects Nuclear Fusion
Grok excels at Baldur's Gate 3 lore after engineers shifted focus from world problems. AI now an expert on fantasy game.