LOS ANGELES—Singer D4vd was quietly dropped from his major record label this week, sources confirmed. The move came after an internal audit revealed the label still held his contract. Executives reportedly expressed surprise at the discovery.
Contractual Oversight Uncovered
The audit began after a janitorial staff member found a dusty file labeled “Artists We Forgot About” in a forgotten storage closet. Inside, among expired coupon books and a half-eaten sandwich, was D4vd’s original signing agreement.
“Honestly, we thought he was a ghost,” stated Brenda P. Figglehorn, Senior Vice President of Historical Contractual Compliance. “His name just… didn’t ring any bells. We keep pretty tight tabs on our active roster.” Ms. Figglehorn noted that the label had been successfully streaming his music on platforms like Spotify and Apple Music for years without realizing who was behind it.
Sources close to the label indicated that the decision to formally part ways was less about recent controversies and more about an ongoing effort to “streamline the talent roster.” The label’s primary concern was reducing overhead. D4vd’s streaming royalties had apparently been automatically distributed via an ancient accounting system. It operated independently of human oversight.
Collaborators Equally Perplexed
Reports also surfaced that several artists had their supposed collaborations with D4vd removed from streaming services. Many of these artists were reportedly unaware they had even collaborated with him.
“I just woke up and my track with ‘Daveed’ was gone,” explained DJ ‘Sticky Fingers’ Malone, a prominent EDM producer. “I don’t even know a ‘Daveed.’ My manager said it was some AI thing. Probably for the best.” Malone’s manager later clarified the collaboration was real, but the producer had “phoned it in” during a group session, mistaking D4vd for a new intern.
The unexpected severing of ties leaves D4vd without a label or many of his recorded collaborations. Industry analysts suggest this marks a new precedent. Labels might begin checking their signed artist lists more regularly.
At press time, the label’s IT department was struggling to locate D4vd’s master recordings, which were apparently stored on a floppy disk labeled “Misc. Sound Files.”
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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