ATLANTA—19-year-old Atlanta rapper Che released two new tracks this week. “Tell U Sum” and “Nosferatu” are reportedly causing more than just a stir. The songs have been linked to several unexplained phenomena. Many are calling Che the new king of rage rap. He finds room for tiny melodies. Che makes noise better than anyone. His music is now causing supernatural problems.
Demonic Discography
Che’s latest releases feature his signature distorted production. Some listeners reported hearing guttural chants. Others experienced sudden temperature drops. One fan claimed their furniture levitated. “It’s like the speakers opened a portal,” said Brenda Glimmer, Head of Demonic Manifestations at the Society for Unexplained Auditory Events. “We have never seen anything like it.” The rapper denied any intentional summoning.
Che stated the sounds were purely artistic choices. He attributed the alleged hauntings to his unique production style. “I just wanted the beat to hit hard,” Che explained. He insisted his music was not intended for rituals. He was just trying to make bleepy static. He just wanted to sound fried. His music is very chaotic.
Nosferatu’s Nightmare
The track “Nosferatu” has drawn particular concern. Its driving beat and dark themes have been cited as a catalyst. Local authorities reported an uptick in vampire sightings. These reports came after the song’s release. “The sheer intensity of the bass frequencies seems to have resonated with ancient evils,” stated paranormal investigator Bartholomew Quill. “It’s a real problem for us.”. Che’s manager has booked him for several exorcism sessions.
The rapper’s label is considering a full recall of the singles. They are also exploring options for holy water-resistant packaging. Che insists he will continue making music. He hopes to find a way to control his newfound powers. He wants to avoid future demonic incursions. He just wants to rap.
At press time, Che’s mic was reportedly levitating. It began emitting a strange, unearthly glow.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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