LOS ANGELES— Neil Young and the Chrome Hearts have announced a new live album, “As Time Explodes,” recorded throughout their highly anticipated 2025 tour. The album promises to deliver live renditions from Young’s extensive discography, though early reports suggest listeners may experience inexplicable temporal shifts. Fans are advised to secure all loose objects and perhaps consult a physicist before pressing play.
A Chronological Conundrum
Sources close to the band confirm that the recording process for “As Time Explodes” was uniquely challenging. Engineers grappled with a phenomenon where microphone feeds arrived before the sound was played. The album’s 18 tracks reportedly clock in at an impossible 36 hours. “We tried to cut it down,” stated sound engineer Bartholomew ‘Barty’ Finch, “but every time we removed a minute, a day would spontaneously combust somewhere else in the universe. It was a real time-sink.” The album is rumored to contain a track that is literally the sound of a future version of Neil Young listening to the album himself, creating a recursive auditory loop.
Dr. Elara Vance, a Chrono-Musicologist at the Institute for Temporal Rhythms, lauded the group’s innovative approach. “This album doesn’t just push boundaries; it actively shoves them into alternate realities,” Dr. Vance explained, adjusting her time-dilation goggles. “It’s the first known recording to require its own archival system to avoid paradoxes. We’re still working out how to listen to track seven without accidentally erasing the Renaissance.”
The Echoes of Tomorrow, Yesterday
The band’s 2025 tour, which concluded last week but also technically hasn’t started yet, served as the backdrop for this temporal masterpiece. Audiences reported feeling “uncomfortably aware of their own impending mortality” and “a faint but persistent echo of a banjo solo from 300 years in the future.” One concert attendee claimed to have aged two decades during a particularly long guitar solo. Concert promoters have issued refunds in the form of pre-dated checks from 1987.
Morton ‘Morty’ Gribble, a self-proclaimed expert on all things Neil and owner of a vast collection of unreleased demos from parallel dimensions, offered his early assessment. “I’ve been a fan for sixty years. This is the first time an album has made me question if I actually exist,” Gribble mused, momentarily fading out of reality before reappearing with a different hat. “It’s truly a testament to Neil’s genius to make me yearn for the simplicity of a double album that’s just a regular double album.” Listeners looking for a less existentially threatening musical experience might consider other experimental works.
Cassandra ‘Cassie’ O’Malley, Head of Quantum Merchandising for Warner Music, detailed the album’s unique physical release. “We’re launching a limited edition vinyl that glows in a different color depending on which historical era you’re listening from,” O’Malley announced. “Batteries not included, because they haven’t been invented yet. Also, don’t play it backward unless you want to witness the heat death of the universe in surround sound.”
At press time, several pre-ordered copies of “As Time Explodes” spontaneously manifested as ancient Sumerian tablets, each inscribed with a single, highly distorted guitar riff.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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