CAPE CANAVERAL— NASA announced Wednesday that the Artemis II rocket, currently orbiting Earth, requires immediate return to the Vehicle Assembly Building for repairs. The need for extensive repairs to the Artemis II rocket came as a surprise to engineers. The agency cited ‘unforeseen atmospheric dust accumulation’ as the primary culprit. Officials stated the rocket’s hull experienced ‘unusual abrasive exposure’ during its recent lunar flyby simulation. The extensive repairs to the Artemis II rocket will delay future missions.
A Little Dust Never Hurt Anyone (Except Maybe This Rocket)
The problem was first identified during routine telemetry checks. “We noticed some… errant particulates on the exterior,” said Dr. Bartholomew Quill, Lead Interstellar Janitorial Engineer for the Artemis Program. “It looks like a sandblaster went to work. We suspect cosmic dust bunnies were involved.” The rocket is expected to initiate its deorbit burn later this week. NASA hopes to catch the spacecraft before it enters the atmosphere.
The Vehicle Assembly Building, or VAB, is NASA’s massive assembly structure at Kennedy Space Center. It is one of the largest buildings in the world by volume. NASA has utilized the VAB for every major rocket assembly since the Apollo program. Learn more about the VAB at Wikipedia.
Cosmic Cleaning Crew On Standby
Engineers are reportedly devising methods to scrub the rocket clean. This includes a potential ‘zero-gravity power wash’ using a specialized detergent. “We’ve considered sending down a very, very long broom,” stated Agnes Periwinkle, Director of Extraterrestrial Detailing. “But the physics are a bit tricky. We’re exploring all options to get this rocket back in pristine condition.”
At press time, NASA announced it would also be returning the International Space Station for a quick touch-up paint job.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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