LOS ANGELES—Britpop-era band Gene announced their first North American tour in 24 years. The news sparked a desperate search. Concert promoters began looking for people who had heard of them. Many wondered if any fans remained. The tour marks the band’s return to US stages after a long hiatus. Their last American performance was in 2002. That was before smartphones existed.
A Quest for Memory
Dr. Philomena Cringe, a self-proclaimed ‘Britpop Ethnomusicologist’ at the Institute of Obscure Nineties Bands, weighed in. ‘Finding a Gene fan today is like unearthing an ancient scroll,’ she stated. ‘They exist, but they are rare and often brittle.’ Dr. Cringe suggested checking archival footage from 1999. She also noted that many former fans had moved on to gardening or competitive birdwatching.
Ticketing agents reported unusual activity. Many attempted to purchase tickets using floppy disks. Others tried to pay with Blockbuster Video gift cards. Promoters debated marketing strategies. They considered targeting dusty attics. Some thought about placing ads in old CD booklets. Most current concertgoers were then in diapers. Or not yet born. The concept of a Gene North American tour baffled many.
The Band’s Perspective
Martin Rossiter, Gene’s lead singer, expressed optimism. ‘We’ve been preparing for this for decades,’ he said from his home. ‘We kept our instruments in hermetically sealed chambers. We practiced telepathically for many years.’ Rossiter mentioned a new song. It was about waiting for dial-up internet. He believes the fans are out there, quietly listening to their old mini-discs.
The tour will include stops in cities. It will also visit several abandoned shopping malls. One proposed venue was a derelict internet cafe. Organizers worried about the setlist. They wondered if Gene would play their hits. Or if they even had any discernible hits. Some suggested they perform entirely new material. Material written during the band’s quarter-century hiatus. Gene’s first North American tour in 24 years promised uniqueness.
Brenda ‘Babs’ McMillan, 47, of Boise, Idaho, expressed cautious interest. ‘My neighbor mentioned something about a ‘Gene’ at the Darker Waves festival,’ she recalled. ‘I thought he said ‘jean.’ I assumed it was a denim convention.’ She added, ‘I hope they play something I can vaguely recall from a long-forgotten compilation CD.’ Her expectations were low.
At press time, Live Nation announced a new initiative. They planned to distribute free floppy disk drives at all venues. This would ensure fans could access their old MP3s.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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