LOS ANGELES—In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention for the last two decades, Bay Area garage-punk titans Osees surprise-released a new album Tuesday. Titled Off Course, the record marks the band’s seventh full-length release in just under two years, an output rate that has begun to strain the very fabric of reality for their most dedicated listeners.
A Relentless Barrage
The latest Osees offering arrived without prior announcement, a typical tactic for frontman John Dwyer, who seems to view pre-release hype as a quaint relic of a bygone era. Fans, however, found themselves scrambling to process the sudden influx of new material. “I just figured out how to appreciate their last record,” mumbled noted Osees superfan Bartholomew ‘Barty’ Higgins, 38, Senior Analyst of Obscure Vinyl Grooves. “Now I have to download this one? My Spotify playlist is already a digital graveyard of forgotten albums.” The surprise-release of Off Course adds another layer to the band’s already dense catalog.
Sources close to the band indicated that Dwyer simply felt the songs were ready. “He had a bunch of demos, so he put them on an album. That’s just how it works,” explained publicity intern Tiffany ‘Tiff’ Womack, Junior Assistant to the Vice President of Releasing Things. The 12-track album reportedly features the band’s signature blend of frenetic energy and lysergic experimentation, though many listeners reported being too exhausted from the *anticipation* of a new release to fully engage with the music itself.
Listener Fatigue Sets In
The sheer volume of Osees output has led to widespread listener fatigue. Many fans admitted to experiencing a form of existential dread when faced with the prospect of another surprise-release. “I saw the news and my first thought wasn’t excitement, it was ‘Oh god, more music?'” confessed Penelope ‘Penny’ Plunkett, 42, self-proclaimed Curator of the Impossibly Large Music Collection. “I haven’t even recovered from the last three EPs and side projects. My earbuds are practically weeping.” This latest surprise-release from Osees only deepens the conundrum.
At press time, Dwyer was reportedly already halfway through mixing his next solo album, a spoken-word concept record about the proper way to fold a toaster functions. Fans braced themselves, hoping to at least get a week’s notice this time.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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