Venezuelan Security Guard Pulled from Rubble, Claims Basement ‘Cozy’
A Venezuelan security guard, rescued after 8 days in earthquake rubble, expressed disappointment, claiming the…
Horse Feathers Announce Words Are Dead Reissue Amidst Global Linguistic Collapse
Horse Feathers Announce Words Are Dead 20th Anniversary Reissue & Tour, celebrating the death of language itself…
Aspen Acres Fire Consumes All Pending Resolutions, Unfiled Tax Returns
The devastating Aspen Acres fire is now reportedly consuming not just thousands of acres, but also bureaucratic…
Spotify Confirms Streaming Fraud After Kalshi Trader Flags Suspicious Malcolm Todd Numbers
Spotify confirms streaming fraud after Kalshi trader flags suspicious Malcolm Todd numbers. Over 500,000 streams…
Carly Rae Jepsen Wants To Be More Than Friends, Officially
Carly Rae Jepsen wants to be more than friends on her new single, confessing longing on a 24-track double album.
Finland’s PM Lost Due to Nation’s ‘Insatiable Hunger for Mild Drama’
Finland's PM lost her re-election bid, not due to policy, but from voters' intense boredom with persistent…
Presidential Wealth Growth Sparks New Economic Theory
Unprecedented presidential wealth growth has mystified economists, leading them to invent new theories. Power…
Stephen Malkmus’s Black Towels Spark Interstate Incident
The absorbent fabric demands better treatment than a rock star.
Westside Cowboy Fans Demand More ‘Pin Up Boys’
Westside Cowboy's new single 'Pin Up Boys' causes extreme fan demand for more music.
Hayley Williams Covers Sinéad O’Connor, Breaks Irish Hearts
Hayley Williams covered Sinéad O’Connor in Dublin, leaving fans confusedly appreciative. The unexpected tribute…