ATLANTA— The following excerpt is from the ongoing federal trial regarding local music monopolies. Rising rap star Belly Gang Kushington took the stand yesterday afternoon. Defense counsel questioned his deep roots within the local hip-hop scene. The testimony quickly derailed as the rapper began detailed admissions of widespread industry manipulation.
Q: Mr. Kushington, can you state your full name for the court?
A: Belly Gang Kushington. But my mama calls me Belly.
Q: And you claim that Belly Gang Kushington is the new old Atlanta?
A: I do not just claim it. I am Belly Gang Kushington is the new old Atlanta. I built the magic city parking lot. I personally handed Jermaine Dupri his first jersey in 1991.
Q: Mr. Kushington, you are under oath. Are you claiming you engineered the entire city's sound?
A: Yes sir. I pitched the 808 snare to every producer in Fulton County. I told them to turn the bass up until the windows rattled. I also forged the original Freaknik permits.
Q: Let the record show the witness is gesturing wildly. Are you saying you controlled the charts?
A: I manufactured the local scene. I bought eighty thousand copies of my own cassette tapes out of trunk cars. Then I sold those same tapes back to the distributor for double. Every major label streaming strategy came from my playbook.
Q: Counsel moves to strike. Mr. Kushington, did you bribe radio DJs?
A: I did not bribe them. I gave them fried chicken and promised them equity in the genre. Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs, verified my supply chain back in 2004. We faked the entire trap revival to push real estate prices up in Zone 6.
Q: You are incriminating the entire recording industry right now.
A: Good. Put it in the transcript. The streaming algorithms are just three guys in College Park pressing play on cracked laptops. I own those laptops.
At press time, the judge remanded the witness into custody while federal agents raided every recording studio on Peachtree Street.
