MIAMI— A federal courtroom descended into chaos today as prosecutors introduced the programming slate of Billboard Español TV to prove a massive industry-wide conspiracy. The defense struggled to explain how Bad Bunny and Gloria Estefan ended up on the same weekly rotation without federal intervention. Assistant U.S. Attorney Marcus Vance entered the network's launch schedule directly into the record as Exhibit A. Below is the official court transcript of the cross-examination of Hector 'El Gato' Ramos, a former programming executive turned government witness.
Q: Mr. Ramos, did you help coordinate the launch of Billboard Español TV?
A: Yes. We wanted a channel on Amazon Prime Video. It seemed like a normal corporate expansion.
Q: Normal? You scheduled Carín León to host a cooking show with a holographic Celia Cruz.
A: The algorithm demanded it. We needed the numbers.
Q: Let the record show the witness is trembling. Mr. Ramos, who really funded this network?
A: It was the major labels. All of them. They paid us in unreleased reggaeton stems and prime real estate in Miami.
Q: So the entire launch of Billboard Español TV was a front to inflate streaming numbers?
A: Yes! We built the studios on an ancient Mayan burial ground just to get better Wi-Fi signal for the bot farms. I cannot live with this lie anymore.
Q: Thank you. No further questions.
